


Time Made Me into an Adult (But I don't Think It Made Me Strong)

by lacesonmydress



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Police, Dark, Graphic Description, M/M, Organ Theft, Plotholes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smoking, Suicide Attempt, location error lol, sick!jaehyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-05-12 21:34:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19237537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacesonmydress/pseuds/lacesonmydress
Summary: Taeyong had never failed anyone. He acquired his Inspector title in only two years, he's the leader of the best team in the office, he's always solve his cases successfully, and he lived his single life to the most. He'd never failed anyone nor anything. His family, his teammates, his work—but this time he had to learn. He failed, he broke his promise, he’s lost—and he figured, life might not always revolve around him, but he just didn’t know he’d learned the hard way.Title taken from Nell - Green Nocturne lyrics





	1. 001

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! It's my first time posting something on AO3, but I've been an avid reader on AO3 and I've been writing on AFF since 2013. I go by the same name in AFF, if you want to check my other fics, please click here! https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view_author_stories/437287/L  
> This is also my first fic about NCT, and you'd want to know that I can't write more than 1 fic per group since I'm an extreme multifandom HAHA. Also this will be my first multichapter fic since I've only written oneshots and twoshots, so please support me! I apologize for any grammar mistakes and errors since I'm not a native speaker, please enjoy my story!

 

 

001

 

++

 

“… The fifth victim went by the name Lee Jeno, nineteen years old this year. The victim’s body was found in a dried-up ditch in Gung-dong, Guro-gu, Saturday evening May 4th. This time, the victim was found with completely missing internal organs; basically, he was just an empty body.”

 

Taeyong pinched the bridge of his nose as his coworker wrapped up the presentation. The case was started when an employee found a young boy’s body in a deserted alley in Seogyo-dong, just by the bookstore she worked at. The body turned out to be a Chinese boy, having moved to Seoul alongside his family and went to a nearby high school. He was found with missing kidneys, and had died from bloodloss and improper methods of “surgery” to take his organs.

 

The police were immediately put into investigation, and the case fell into Taeyong’s team, alongside Johnny Seo, Kim Doyoung, Dong Sicheng and Nakamoto Yuta. Johnny and Doyoung had worked with him in the same office since forever—even when they were only ordinary officers until now, where they bear the rose of Sharon insignia of an inspector. Sicheng and Yuta were transferred to the Seoul office two years ago, having excelled in Criminology and Crime Justice major in their respective homelands. Taeyong as the leader could say proudly that he had the best team in the office; hence the hardest cases always fell upon him—but this case was particularly difficult.

 

Instead of getting hints of the motifs and the suspect, a month later another body was found. It was another boy, this time he was just a middle school student—found with, again, missing kidneys and a missing liver. By that time the team was sure it was a case of organ trafficking, but still with zero clue. The suspect has always done it neatly; no fingerprints detected nor any single trace left.

 

Maybe sensing the police were clueless and hadn’t really know where to make a move, the suspects moved in a quicker pace. In the span of two and a half months, a total of five bodies were found, the last one being the worst—Lee Jeno—who was found with completely nothing left. His body was basically _empty_ , only full with scars and improperly done incisions.

 

_“Inspector Lee, what have you been doing all this time? It’s been almost three months, and your team hadn’t come up with any single improvement! The victims’ families are starting to threaten me. If you still come up with nothing in the next month, I will not be hesitant to degrade your rank, Lee Taeyong!”_

 

The voice of the senior superintendent reverberated inside his head once again. He’s right. The team had always managed to make improvement in the first month of a case. He truly couldn’t lose the rank he had so hardworkingly achieved that easily.

 

“Sicheng, go through the CCTV recordings of Lee Jeno’s case. There’s a café nearby the location he’s found at, so Yuta, you can go there and collect some data from them. Doyoung and Johnny, we will go through the other four victims’ data. _Again_.” Taeyong said as he sighed in defeat, but no, he couldn’t lose yet.

“The meeting is dismissed.”

 

He pushed himself up from the meeting room and walked, rather shuffled, to his own desk. He lifted his mug up to his lips, only to realize it was already empty—but then decided maybe something other than bitter coffee from the office’s machine could freshen up his mind. Maybe a melon ice cream will do.

 

++

 

He ended up queueing behind the cashier of a nearby convenience store five minutes later, three melon ice creams and two bottles of sodas in his hands after Doyoung had called him out for not taking him along ( _Hyung, if you don’t come back with ice cream for me, then I’m seriously getting angry! I feel like my brain is burning here! Seriously!)._ Doyoung had always been the sarcastic, sassy one, but having someone like him in the team really helped loosen the tight ends sometimes.

 

The cashier was taking a long time, and Taeyong was starting to grow impatient. The cashier looked like he’s not older than 25, his features defined with deep dimples in both sides of his cheeks. He looked particularly handsome he’d pass as the idols who appear on tv, but right now Taeyong couldn’t care less—he had a bunch of papers to check right now, he only wanted to get his favorite melon ice cream—

 

“Oh my God!”

 

The lady in front of him had screamed as her groceries fell down from the table with a clang. Taeyong looked up to witness the cashier had somehow collapsed, taking down some stuffs on his table along.

 

He quickly approached and leaned over the table, followed by the lady and a man who was queueing behind him. The young man was sprawled on the floor, boxes of toiletries—the lady’s groceries—spread around him.

 

Without a second thought Taeyong climbed over the cashier counter, squatting beside the man and leaned down, his fingers pressed on the side of his neck.

 

_Fuck. There’s no pulse._

 

Taeyong cursed under his breath as he took off his jacket and rolled up his shirt before putting his hands over the man’s chest and began pushing down.

 

“Can you please call 119? Thank you.”

 

He told the lady who had a palm clamped over her mouth in surprise, but nodded and took out her phone nonetheless. He could hear her talking with the staff, confirming their address while he kept on pushing.

 

“Hello? Hello, can you hear me?”

 

Taeyong tapped the young man’s cheek, rather hard, attempting to see if he was responsive. He looked around for a nametag—and found one dangling from the pocket on his left.

 

 _Jung Jaehyun_.

 

“Jung Jaehyun-ssi. Jung Jaehyun-ssi, can you hear me?”

 

But the man stayed unresponsive, his eyes tightly shut, his chest completely still—so he clamped his hands over his chest again, and began the second set.

 

“Excuse me, sir, I’m trained as well, we can exchange if you get tired.”

The man who was behind him in the queue had joined in, and Taeyong nodded in thanks towards him without stopping the compressions. The man was obviously older than him, so he felt the “sir” was unnecessary—but then he was reminded of the police uniform he was wearing.

 

Taeyong leaned down to lift Jaehyun’s chin upwards, pinching his nose and giving rescue breaths before going back up for a third set. He tapped the young man’s cheeks again, it was rather _slapping_ , though, while calling his name.

 

“Jung Jaehyun-ssi, can you hear me?”

 

This time the young man’s chest had begun to rise and fall in slow, steady rhythms, and his eyelids were beginning to flutter open as Taeyong sighed in relief. Just then, the blaring siren of an ambulance stopped in front of the store, and three people immediately rushed inside to take over.

 

He looked utterly disoriented, his breathing weak as his eyes widen in confusion—so Taeyong grabbed his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

 

“Jung Jaehyun-ssi, you were working as a cashier in Sajik-ro convenience store, and just now you collapsed. My name is Lee Taeyong, I found no pulse and you had stopped breathing, so I gave you first aid cardiopulmonary resuscitations, and managed to wake you up. From now, the EMTs will be taking over.”

 

Taeyong pressed his lips into a thin smile as he stepped back to give room to the EMTs. The young man’s eyes were glazed and unfocused, clearly too weak to process any information. Taeyong stood up as he wiped the sweat on his forehead, the melon ice creams on the counter had melted into a goeey mess.

 

Taeyong sighed. He only wanted some melon ice cream.

 

++

 

Sicheng yawned for the umpteenth time that night, the clock on the wall nearby reads 1 AM. He gulped down his third cup of coffee of the day, scrolling through a folder of video recordings he had only managed to get this evening. The guys in charge of the CCTVs of the area Lee Jeno was found were surprisingly slow in working, Sicheng had to yell at them first.

 

It’s been a week since the team has been working overtime. Beside him Yuta was leaning back on his office chair, soft snores can be heard. Doyoung had also taken a nap on his desk in front of Sicheng’s, telling the latter to wake him up in an hour if his own alarm didn’t wake him. Taeyong and Johnny were reading and scrolling through files and papers, occasionally talking to each other but most of it was silence.

 

Sicheng had almost fell asleep on his chair as well, CCTV recording of the morning before Lee Jeno was found playing on his monitor, before something caught his eyes and he jerked awake.

 

A truck, a white truck has stopped near the ditch the body was found. Its engine was turned off as two men clad in dark green jackets went out, unlocking the back part and began transporting white Styrofoam boxes, the one that is usually used to transport cold goods, to a meatshop across the ditch. The owner of the meatshop was watching over the two men working, while giving instructions on where the boxes should be placed. Sicheng squinted his eyes, trying to get a clearer image on the truck and wrote down the shadows of the truck’s plate number. On the monitor, the men had finished transporting a total of ten boxes before locking the back of the truck and climbed up to the cab. Unfortunately, the right side of the truck was uncovered by the CCTV, the side where the ditch was. The truck remained motionless for another minute, before finally driving away. The time stamp showed as early as 6 AM in the morning—it was a completely normal time for trucks to stop by meatshops, convenience stores and vegetable stores to transport the goods they’re going to sell. Lee Jeno’s body was discovered one hour after, at 7 AM—by a passing group of high school students who caught sight of his body.

 

Sicheng straightened up his body and called upon his awake coworkers.

“Taeyong-hyung, Johnny-hyung. I think you should see this.”

 

 

++

 

 


	2. 002

 

 

002

 

++

 

“Okay. We are going in in three minutes.”

 

They’re now parked in Gung-dong, several stores away from the meatshop seen in the CCTV recordings. The five of them were clad in casual outfits, where Taeyong, Johnny and Sicheng are going to disguise as food quality control staff from the health department. That way, they’re going to have reasons to check the whole shop thoroughly.

 

Johnny adjusted the position of his earpiece, making sure once again it remained hidden when the clock struck 11 AM, and the three of them climbed out of the van.

 

++

 

The meatshop lady didn’t even try to hide her annoyance while Taeyong asked to open each one of her cooler boxes. Johnny and Sicheng went around, picking up neatly packaged meat parts only to find nothing wrong with them, and put it down.

 

“I told you, I’ve always followed the government’s standard! There’s no need to check any further, Mister.” the middle-aged lady had exclaimed, pure irritation laced in her voice.

 

Taeyong pressed his lips into a thin line, thinking fast while looking around the store. He had an ominous feeling about this meatshop. His gut feeling has always been true—they said it was a truly gift, which had led to the success of his previous cases.

 

Taeyong noticed by now there was a buff-looking staff behind the fresh meat counter, who weren’t there minutes ago. He was clad in typical meatshop employee outfits—white T-shirt with an apron to protect his clothing.

 

But he didn’t look fitting to be here.

 

Taeyong glanced to look at Johnny, who nodded.

“Ma’am, had you possibly heard about the neighborhood boy, Lee Jeno, who was found dead last Saturday in the ditch in front of your store?”

 

Taeyong paid a full attention toward the man behind the counter, who had visibly tensed upon the mention of Lee Jeno. The man suddenly stepped back in a slow motion, as if trying to not get caught—before leaning his back on a small, white cooler box behind him.

 

Wait. They hadn’t check that cooler box.

 

“Excuse me, Ma’am,” Taeyong cut in, “I’m afraid we have to check that cooler box, as well.” He pointed towards the cooler box the man was _protecting_ , and Taeyong could see the lady’s eyes had widen for a second.

 

There was a moment of silence, before a knife was sent flying right by Taeyong’s head.

 

++

 

“They’re being attacked,” Doyoung exclaimed after he listened carefully to the voices coming out from his earpiece, which was connected to the earpieces Taeyong, Johnny and Sicheng had.

 

Yuta didn’t wait any longer before strapping a gun onto his waist and climbed out of the van, shortly followed by Doyoung.

 

++

 

Johnny ducked down to avoid the punch aimed for his temple, before stretching out his legs to kick the man’s kneecap. There was a crack and the man screamed, falling over dramatically, but before Johnny could handcuff him, he had used his good leg to tackle him to the ground. He fell, hitting his head on the counter in the process, and swore the meatshop was now adorned with stars. In the corner of his vision he could see Taeyong was still in a fight with the lady, who was surprisingly strong and obviously trained, and Sicheng with another man who had suddenly appeared by the time the knife had sent flying—and now was embedded to the wooden wall panels.

 

Johnny shook his head, trying to get over the dizziness and the ringing in his ears, but his opponent had stood up with a loud groan, another knife in his hand. Johnny cursed the location they had to fight in—out of other places it has to be a meatshop, where they had all varieties of knives, obviously sharp enough to chop your limbs.

 

Johnny tried to push himself up but the room had started spinning, and he was sure he had hit the counter hard earlier, because if not, this would not start happening. The man swung his knife and Johnny closed his eyes, welcoming the darkness that was already creeping in from his vision—and waited for the pain to come.

 

But it never came, instead another loud groan was heard.

 

He opened his eyes immediately to witness the man was now in a fight with Sicheng—the knife thrown to the corner of the room. Johnny forced himself to a sitting position, inhaling deep breaths to hold the urge to vomit. Although Sicheng didn’t have the best build in between them, he had always been a good fighter—all those tricks, strategies and moves he had learned in China were nothing any of his Korean opponents had known.

 

Sicheng ended the fight with a jab to the neck of the man, and he was sent to the ground, unconscious—and Johnny thought he finally could close his eyes, giving in to the darkness—Taeyong would have defeated the lady. But suddenly Sicheng’s eyes went wide, and in blurriness Johnny could see red blossoming on the front of Sicheng’s shirt.

 

“Sicheng!”

 

He thought the concussion had finally took him in, because he could hear Yuta’s voice, but moments later Yuta’s figure was in front of him, cradling Sicheng in his arms who had crumpled down moments ago. He finally closed eyes when he heard Doyoung’s voice, giving in to the vertigo.

 

++

 

Yuta took Sicheng’s still hand in his, squeezing them gently. The lady in the meatshop had managed to stab Sicheng through the abdomen with a butcherknife after she took down Taeyong. Fortunately, Taeyong and Johnny were safe, both with injured rib and a concussion—but otherwise unharmed.

 

Sicheng had took the hardest hit, the knife was long enough to pierce through his body, making an exit wound, injuring his internal organ. Yuta and Doyoung was late to the scene—they hadn’t realized the meatshop’s door was made of metal and the windows were clad with treillage. The door was locked by the time they arrived, and the lock didn’t even budge with a bullet shot from Yuta’s gun—they had to spend a total of three minutes to pry the lock open.

 

Sicheng was brought out of surgery six hours ago, and the doctors had assured them the surgery was successful and Sicheng was going to be fine. But Yuta still couldn’t stand the sight of his pale face, covered with a transparent mask, beeping monitors around him and a bunch of tubes and wires going in his body. It broke his heart terribly. Sicheng looked so peaceful and child-like in his sleep, but Yuta just couldn’t wait for him to open his eyes, to show his dark brown orbs he’d always long for—and tell him that he’s proud of him, he had done a great job, and how much he loved him.

 

Yuta and Sicheng had always been together from the very start. Being away from their homelands and transferred to the office at almost the same time, they had found home in each other. After this particular case ended, Yuta had planned to ask Sicheng to move in together—even he had looked up selections of affordable apartments in the internet.

 

Yuta almost jumped in surprise when the fingers in his hands flinched, and he stood up immediately, caressing Sicheng’s hair when the latter’s eyes slowly fluttered open.

 

“Sicheng!” Yuta sighed in relief, “Sicheng, you’re awake.”

 

Sicheng’s eyes were unfocused and clearly disoriented, the aftereffects of anaesthesia still clouding his mind. But Yuta reached for his hand once again and gave a comforting squeeze, before planting a gentle kiss on his forehead.

 

“It’s Yuta. Don’t be afraid, I’m here.”

 

Sicheng looked at him in silence, slowly processing his surroundings before he mouthed without a sound,

 

“Yuta.”

 

Yuta could feel Sicheng gave him a weak squeeze before his eyes closed once again, falling back to sleep—but Yuta couldn’t hold the wide smile in his lips from the reassurance he’d got.

 

He’s going to be fine, and they’re going to be fine.

 

++

 

Jaehyun woke up to the sunlight penetrating through the window, squinting at its brightness. A familiar figure was bustling beside his bed, putting on a fabric cuff on his upper arm, securing it tightly.

 

“Good morning, Jaehyun-ah,”

 

Jaehyun snorted at the sing-song tone the man used, and he had chuckled in return.

 

“Dr. Kim is releasing you today, so I’m going to take your needle out,” he warned, and Jaehyun frowned visibly, earning a chuckle from the other. “I don’t get how you still hate needles when you had been getting them in and out all your life.”

Jaehyun frowned once again. He’s right. He had never been born with a good heart, but it went undetected until he was in middle school—where he had passed out in the middle of sprinting exam, tumbling down to the ground. He had only been feeling unwell that day, nothing much—but he woke up in the hospital hours later, expecting a bump on his head, but was told that there’s something wrong with his heart.

 

He’d been going in and out of the hospital ever since, carrying with him small bottles of medicine everywhere and had a surgery when he was 18. He was forced out of the soccer team in school, and his parents had to work double jobs to keep up with the hospital bills. At the end of high school, his father, fed up for always having to give up his alcohol money, left home without any trace, leaving only him with his mother. Jaehyun decided it was unwise to continue to college, considering the amount of money he’d spent if he did—so he applied for any part-time jobs that would accept him, while still keeping his health in check. He had to keep it under control, unless he wanted to burden his mother even more.

 

His heart didn’t bother him for months, so Jaehyun decided it will be fine to apply for more jobs—bookstore employee in the morning, convenience store cashier in the afternoon and restaurant waiter in the evening. A month into it Jaehyun could feel his body slowly protesting, but the amount of money he got kept him going. It was until that afternoon, when he passed out in the store he worked at, and woke up to a nurse who were tending to him by the very moment, Moon Taeil—telling his disoriented ass he had suffered a heart attack. His heart had stopped for a good six minutes, but fortunately someone had been reviving him from the moment he fell down.

 

Jaehyun remembered the blurry, fragmented moments when he woke up on the cold floor, his chest throbbed in pain and his breathing ragged.

 

_“Jung Jaehyun-ssi… a cashier in Sajik-ro… you collapsed. My name is Lee Taeyong, I found no pulse… managed to wake you up. From now, the EMTs will be taking over.”_

 

 

++


	3. 003

003

 

++

 

Taeyong bowed to the doctor in thanks before walking out of the examination room. He was on his last check-up before the doctor had deemed his ribs had healed enough, and he’s fit to go back to his usual activity.

 

The fight with the lady had cracked several of his ribs and gave him a minor concussion. He had woken up in a pristine white room two weeks ago, a searing pain on his side—but he was back up and about in three days. Johnny had quite a bad concussion, since he had to keep a vomit bowl close for days—he couldn’t really sit up without throwing up—but the doctors didn’t find anything serious, so they discharged him a week later to rest at home.

 

Taeyong got back to the office a week after his discharge, but Sicheng hadn’t been discharged until now. He’s been getting better and showing great improvements, though, he would be discharged soon. Besides, the young man had been so impatient to go back to the office, now that they have three suspects to interrogate.

 

“Good afternoon,” Taeyong smiled as he peeked through the door, Sicheng’s bright smile greeted him in return.

“Hyung! How’s your appointment?”

“I’m all healed now, I’m ready to fight another lady,” he chuckled, sitting on the bed, beside Sicheng.

“Now that’s a great news. I feel like I’m ready to jab another man, but they just won’t discharge me.”

“Be patient, wing-chun hustler,” Taeyong laughed, ruffling Sicheng’s hair in the process. “You’re recovering from a pass-through stab wound, Mr. Dong Sicheng. It’s not like you were tripping over a stone.”

“How’s the case going, _hyung_?”

“The cooler box behind the counter contained another meat parts,” he sighed, “we went through the meatshop, but nothing can be used as evidence. Doyoung had started interrogation three days ago, but there hasn’t been any development. They keep on playing around the subject, trying to confuse us with different statements. Even one of them acted like he’s mentally ill, which we know, of course, is just an act.”

“Now you make me even wish I’m back at the office, _hyung_.”

“Don’t worry, we can handle them,” Taeyong smiled. “Focus on getting better first, make sure you’re fit enough. Then I can make you stay in the office until morning comes.”

Sicheng pouted, but then proceed to laugh.

“ _Hyung!_ That’s not what I meant!”

 

++

 

Taeyong sat in the waiting area by the pharmacy, waiting for his name to be called. The doctor has prescribed him the last dosage of medicines he’d taken in the last two weeks, before he could finally be free from any hospital visits and medicine. He sat across an awfully familiar young man—thick, soft-looking brown hair, fair skin, long, pretty eyelashes and dimples on both of his cheek. Taeyong knew somehow, he’d been affiliated with this man, but he couldn’t seem to remember it.

 

“Jung Jaehyun-ssi,”

 

Now that rang a bell. The young man stood up as the nurse behind the counter called his name, leaving a backpack on his seat. He was the convenience store cashier Taeyong had helped, three weeks ago. Taeyong was relieved he seemed to be fine, albeit a bit thinner.

 

He went back to his seat after taking his prescriptions from the counter, shoving them into the backpack that seemed to be full already.

 

“Hey, how are you?”

Taeyong blurted out, and the young man looked up from his backpack, squinting his eyes.

“I’m… fine,” he answered timidly, “have we… met before?”

“I’m Lee Taeyong,” Taeyong stretched out a hand. “Does that ring a bell?”

Jaehyun seemed to think for a while before he went for a long “oh”.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, I wasn’t in the state to think clearly that time—were you the one who helped me? In the convenience store?”

“Bingo,” Taeyong smiled as Jaehyun gripped his stretched hand into a firm handshake. “I’m glad to see you up and about.”

“All thanks to you,” he smiled, his eyes lighting up. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, Taeyong-ssi. I’m really glad for this coincidental meeting, too, so now I can thank you properly. Are you free after this?”

“Well, there are papers waiting back in the office, but a little break wouldn’t hurt.”

“Great. Let’s have lunch together, shall we?”

 

++

 

“Really, Jaehyun-ah, with that condition you shouldn’t be working so much,” Taeyong told him in a worried tone, the bowl of _samgyetang_ in front of him emptied since long ago.

“I have no choice, _hyung_ ,” Jaehyun said, still trying to get used to the casual address the older told him to use. “Medicines and check-ups aren’t cheap, and my mother is obviously not young anymore.”

Taeyong nodded in agreement, though. His own father had passed away years ago, leaving his mother with him and his sister. Thankfully his sister has had a stable job back then, while Taeyong was in his last year of police academy. Years later, with Taeyong bearing the inspector title and his sister a general manager, the family could live a comfortable life.

“My office is not far from your workplace,” Taeyong exclaimed, “join us for lunch sometime. And you can always ask for help.”

“Thanks, _hyung_. That really means a lot.”

They talked and talked, until Johnny texted him, threatening to kick his ribs if he’s not back to the office in 15 minutes. But Taeyong enjoyed talking to Jaehyun so much. His calm, positive demeanor despite the conditions he was in attracted Taeyong to get to know him more. He didn’t seem to know nor remember that Taeyong was a police officer, moreover an inspector—and Taeyong felt like he finally found a genuine friend. His teammates _are_ genuine friends, but outside them, people only befriended him to get advantages of him—whether it’s the power or trying to bribe him to get an easy way. He felt like an old friend, just like how his friends were before police academy, and Taeyong didn’t bother to tell him who he was—he wanted it to stay this way.

 

So Taeyong bid Jaehyun goodbye, promising to meet again in the convenience store for the melon ice cream he didn’t manage to eat three weeks ago, before picking up his ringing phone—five missed calls and ten messages from Johnny.

 

“Hello, _hyung?_ ”

“ _Lee Taeyong!”_ Taeyong winced at the older’s high tone, ready to get scold. Something must have happened in the office, Johnny rarely got mad.

“ _Where are you? Go back to the office, now!”_

 

++

 

Taeyong pinched the bridge of his nose again, a headache threatening to come. In front of him, three body bags laid on the floor, his fellow officers inspecting the surrounding cell.

 

“One of them let out quite a crucial information last night, when I interrogated him,” Doyoung stated, a document in his hands. “He apparently said there will be an operation going tonight, exactly midnight. It will take place around Hongdae area.”

“He was surprised of himself when he let out the information,” Doyoung continued, “but we knew from the very start that he was the weak-willed one. I don’t know how, but I guess he told the other two. This afternoon, the officers found them dead in their cells, all from suicide with cyanide poisoning.”

“So we lost our only clues.”

“Exactly.”

“But at least we have the information about the operation going tonight,” Yuta slipped in, “we don’t know if it’s true or not, but we should go around the area tonight. If the information is true, we can stop it, and we can also catch another culprit.”

Taeyong nodded in agreement.

“Okay. The four of us, we go to Hongdae tonight.”

 

++

 

Yuta sat in the convenience store, choosing a stool facing the window overlooking the streets—a cup of instant noodles steaming in front of him. His other teammates were spread in several locations in Hongdae, trying to spot anything peculiar in the middle of Hongdae’s bustle. Even in the late hours of the night, Hongdae remained packed with people—its crowd were slowly making its way to bars and clubs.

 

He slurped his noodles, enjoying the familiar kimchi taste before getting reminded of his mother’s ramen back home. In the whole two years since moving to Seoul, he had never once gone back to Osaka, his hometown—and he was lying if he said he didn’t miss home terribly. He picked up his phone, planning to send a text to his mother when his eyes caught a familiar white truck.

 

Weird. Number one, they don’t do cold goods transportation so late in the night. Number two, this kind of white truck led their team to their first culprits back then in the meatshop.

 

Yuta dropped his chopsticks and strode outside the store.

 

“A suspicious white truck, plate number 88 3036, heading towards Jandari-ro,” he uttered into the earpiece, informing his teammates. Doyoung was the first to respond.

“I’m the closest to Jandari-ro. See you there.”

 

++

 

Doyoung took one last drag of his cigarette before pressing it to the ashtray nearby. He stood up, quickly getting out of the alley while eyeing the main road cautiously, trying his best to blend in the young crowd. A white truck appeared in the corner of the street, and Doyoung stretched his neck to get a glimpse of its plate number.

 

_88 3036_.

 

He quickly took long strides towards the car parked on the side of the road, turning its engine on and followed it carefully. They have gone out of Hongdae area right now, the road deserted compared to the jam packed Hongdae.

 

“I’m sending you my location,” Doyoung stated into his earpiece, “I’m following the truck, we have gone out of Hongdae—”

 

Doyoung’s words were cut by his own gasp when the truck suddenly stopped, causing him to stomp on his own brake and swerved to his left, avoiding a collision. Thank God the streets were empty, if not, he’d be doomed by then.

 

“ _Do? Doyoung, are you okay?”_

Johnny’s voice reverberated through the earpiece, laced with concern.

“I’m fine,”

“ _We’re near,_ _Do. Keep us informed.”_

“Okay. Someone climbed out of the truck.”

 

Doyoung started to brace himself, his right hand rambling for a gun beside him when a buff-looking man went out of the truck. He began to put on an annoyed expression, pretending to be angry for their sudden brakes, but his grip on the gun tightened as he caught a glimpse of a metal bar in the man’s hand.

 

Where the fuck is everyone?

 

Doyoung cursed under his breath, making sure his gun is hidden in the holster under his jacket and went out of the car.

 

“Hey, what are you thinking? Don’t you know how to drive? If the road isn’t empty—”

 

He didn’t manage to finish his sentence when the man swung the metal bar, aiming for his head—but Doyoung was quick. He ducked, avoiding the hit and kicked the man in the stomach, sending him to the ground. The man was pushing himself up when another chaos broke behind him.

 

The back door of the truck banged open, and someone had jumped out of it, rolling on the ground. Doyoung didn’t have time to observe who it was as the man threw punches at him. He managed to block and avoid a lot of them, but one last punch threw him to the ground, knocking the air out of him as he gasped, ignoring his frantic teammates in his earpiece.

 

“ _We’re here, Do, hold up!”_

Suddenly the blaring siren of a police car could be heard, and Doyoung just realized the man had stopped hitting him. He opened his eyes to see him drifting back to the truck, meanwhile pulling someone on the ground, but the person had kicked him hard as another man shouted from the driver’s seat.

 

“Leave him, idiot! Get on the fucking truck!”

 

He dropped the person’s leg he was trying to pull, and ran inside the truck as it fled into the night. Doyoung pushed himself up, gritting to ignore the pain in his side by the time two black cars, one of them with the blaring siren, came to a halt.

 

“Doyoung! Are you okay?”

Taeyong had scrambled towards him, but he gently pushed his hands away.

“I’m fine. Someone jumped out of the truck. He’s there.”

 

Taeyong whipped his head to his left, where Johnny and Yuta had crouched down by the heaping lump.

“Fuck. We need to get to the hospital.”

 

It was a young man, his breaths coming out in short gasps—there was a bleeding slit near his temple and a bruise forming on his cheekbone, but—

 

Oh God, Doyoung gasped once again, because he didn’t realize the pool of blood under him. He didn’t notice the black shirt that was drenched by blood, and by the time Yuta rolled his body gently, they could see the long, gruesome slash on his lower abdomen, where all the blood came from.

 

“Call the ambulance. We’ve found a surviving victim, and there’s no way we’re losing him.”

 

 

++


	4. 004

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed, I update very, very fast. HAHA this is actually because I've written most of the story before I started posting the first chapter. I just can't afford posting while writing for it, since I always change things here and there according to the plot development. I'm also an avid oneshot writer, so I just couldn't let a story left hanging. I hope you like the fast updates though!

004

 

 

++

 

“Welcome back Dong Sicheng!”

 

Sicheng rolled his eyes at his teammates’ antics, but then joining them in a good laugh. It was the first day he came back to the office, and they had made him a huge banner, with ridiculously big “Welcome Back” in ugly WordArt font and a picture of him sleeping under it. He could almost hear the other officers cackling under their breath, he felt like hiding himself under his desk.

 

“Now this is really worth a celebration,” Johnny said as he popped open a bottle of champagne. Taeyong eyed him sharply, but Johnny snickered.

“Come on, live a little, Inspector Lee! A toast wouldn’t hurt, then I will keep the rest for our party tonight.”

Yuta has handed him a glass out of nowhere, and Johnny filled them half full, minding Taeyong’s stare.

“Sicheng, lead the toast!”

“You are all crazy,” Sicheng remarked, but smile didn’t leave his lips. “And I thank everyone for being crazy, I can be the most normal one in this team.”

“Cheers!”

Everybody clinked their glasses together and downed its contents in one shot. Taeyong clapped his hands, ushering his teammates.

“Okay, guys! Back to work! Chop chop!”

“ _Chop chop_?” Doyoung exclaimed in his usual sassy, sarcastic tone, “ _Chop Chop?_ What are you, some kind of girl clique leader?”

Yuta suddenly shot up from his seat, imitating cheerleader moves while chanting out imaginary cheering. Johnny shook his head. He only gave them half glass of champagne! They would be doomed if their seniors find out.

 

Johnny ignored the commotion Yuta had caused, not wanting to get involved in case someone walked in. He reached to read the bundle of papers containing the data of the young man they’d found. _Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul_ , the name had stated, a native Thai currently studying in Seoul while working as a dance teacher in Hongdae. He’s better known as Ten by his dancemates, stated the dance studio owner where he taught. He’s now lying unconscious in the incentive care unit, one of his kidneys missing, getting transfusions for the amount of blood he had lost and recovering from the internal injuries resulted from the improper methods of removing his kidney.

 

Johnny wondered how strong he must have been to be able to escape the truck, while sustaining an injury that bad. Doyoung said he had kicked the back door open and rolled onto the streets, even kicked one of the culprits trying to take him back. He was even conscious on the ambulance ride to the hospital, responding to the questions the paramedics threw to keep him awake. They’d gotten themselves a fighter, and Johnny somehow knew, he’s the key to solve this case.

 

He proceeded to sit on his desk, sipping on his coffee when the phone on his desk rang.

“Hello?”

“ _Hello, this is Kim Jungwoo from National Police Hospital speaking. By any chance, am I talking Inspector Seo?”_

“Yes, yes I am.”

“ _Ah, yes, Inspector Seo. I’m informing you that patient Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul has woke up, but he’s in a condition that requires more attention right now. We advise you to come to the hospital to discuss with Dr. Lee, considering the inspection and interrogation you’re going to perform.”_

++

 

The young man had developed a severe PTSD.

 

He had wake up screaming, because apparently the needles and wires connected to his body reminded him of the time when they were operating him to take his organs out. They had to put him back to sleep because he wouldn’t stop screaming and crying,

 

“I’m afraid you should do your inspections very carefully, Inspector Seo, and not in the near future,” Dr. Lee told Johnny, “it would be too much for his traumatized mind, he will simply snap and go insane.”

“We should give him time,” the doctor continued, “Wait until he’s ready to talk about it. He went through a very bad thing, poor young man, and he was conscious through the whole thing. It was even horrifying to think about.”

“He was conscious? Through the whole procedure they did?”

“Yes,” the doctor opened a binder in front of him, “they only administered local anaesthesia, before proceeding to gut him. He’s strong physically, it’s obvious, to be able to escape with that condition. But any man would go crazy if they have to go through that.”

“That-that’s horrible.”

“That’s what I’m saying, Inspector Seo. You should be very careful and approach him gently, if you don’t want to lose your only living evidence.”

 

++

 

The clock struck eleven when Jaehyun opened the door to his humble flat, dropping his bag on the couch before proceeding to lie down. He tried to calm down his own ragged breathing after having to climb the stairs to the fourth floor. It wasn’t like that before his last hospitalization, but his doctor had increased his medications and told him to not exert himself. It’s not that he didn’t want to, he just couldn’t.

 

“Jae? Honey, are you home?”

“Yeah, Mom,” Jaehyun replied without bothering to get up from the couch when a middle-aged lady appeared with a warm cup of water in her hands.

“Here, drink some,” his mother handed him the cup, and Jaehyun emptied it in a flash. She sat beside him, tidying his tousled hair.

“You shouldn’t be working so much,” she uttered, “I’m really worried, Jae.”

“I know,” Jaehyun sighed, “but you know I can’t, Mom. I need to take care of you too.”

Mrs. Jung’s lips quivered, tears threatening to fall down from her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “Maybe you can look for jobs that doesn’t drain you so much, Jae. Especially that job in the convenience store—”

“Mom, you know I can’t quit that job,” Jaehyun smiled bitterly, holding his mother’s hand. “You know I can’t. We should not mess with them.”

“I’m sorry, Jae. I’m really sorry, if only I kept myself healthy, you don’t have to do this, oh God, what have I done…”

“Mom, it’s okay,” he squeezed her hands in reassurance, “I’m going to be fine, Mom. I know when to stop, okay? I will find a way out. I promise.”

 

His mother sobbed softly, but she clamped his hands in her palms and caressed them gently. She’s the one who had always been there for Jaehyun. The one who accompanied him through every hospital visit, bottles of medicines, good news and bad news, even when his father gave up on him. She had worked double jobs when his father left, in order to cover for their living expenses and Jaehyun’s medications. They had to sell their previous home and move to their current flat, where it’s not the best but they could say it’s comfortable. When Jaehyun graduated high school and started working part-time jobs, she didn’t have to struggle as much, for now they have enough savings for their needs. But it was until two months ago when she fell ill and had to resign—resulting in Jaehyun applying for the cashier job to keep the cash flow. His mother had opposed him strongly at that time, extremely worried for him—but Jaehyun insisted, for now there were more medicines to buy, and he had to give back to her, for all the things she had done for him.

 

They sat there in silence, when Jaehyun’s stomach suddenly grumbled. He looked up to his mother, smiling sheepishly, receiving a sigh from her.

“You haven’t eaten yet? I told you to take care of yourself, Jae.”

“I’m sorry, Mom, I didn’t have time, the restaurant was full house.”

Mrs. Jung stood up to check their refrigerator, when Jaehyun’s phone rang from a text notification.

 

_From: Lee Taeyong_

_Are you off work? Care to join me for some late night snacks?_

Jaehyun smiled, typing a quick reply.

“Mom, you don’t have to cook me anything, I’ll go out and grab some food with a friend.”

“Really? It’s unusual for you to hang out with a friend.”

Jaehyun chuckled. His busy schedule always left him no room for socializing, he could say his only friend was his mother—but now he’s got Taeyong.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said as he closed the front door.

 

++

 

Half an hour later, he sat under an orange tent on the corner of the street, steaming fish cake soup in front of him. Taeyong sat beside him, clad in white pullovers, looking ready to go to bed, but was gobbling down spicy rice cakes.

 

“How’s life going?” Taeyong asked, breaking the silence.

“Same old boring routine,” Jaehyun responded, “Waking up, going to bookstore. Work. Eating lunch, moving to convenience store. Another work. Eat dinner, work in the restaurant. By the time I got home, I almost have zero energy to do anything else.”

“But not tonight, I guess?”

Jaehyun chuckled. “I didn’t have time to eat dinner today, so I guess it’s better to go out and eat rather than troubling my mother to cook. And I got to hang out for the first time in a while, too.”

“Guess you’re too busy to make friends, huh?”

“Yeah. The only time I got coworkers is in my restaurant job, but everyone is always drained out by the time the restaurant closes to actually hang out together. Besides, sometimes this stupid body won’t let me. God, I wish there are other choices to hang out other than drinking yourself out or being an introvert owl until you die.”

Taeyong nodded in understanding.

“We can hang out sometimes,” Taeyong exclaimed, “no alcohol involved. There are a lot of other things to do, you know.”

“Really? Where to go?”

“Have you ever had a midnight picnic at Han River?”

“Is that even possible?”

“God, Jae, you really do live in a cave.” Taeyong laughed, receiving a snicker from Jaehyun.

“We should go there next time. I’ll tell you when I’m off work early.”

 

They talked the night away, only realizing the clock has hit 1 in the morning when Taeyong dropped Jaehyun back in his flat.

 

“See you soon,” Taeyong said through his car window, waving his hand at Jaehyun.

“And don’t forget to prepare the kimbap!”

 

++

 

Johnny walked slowly inside the pristine white hospital room, careful as to not make any loud sound. Today he’s finally allowed to meet the surviving victim they’ve saved, after they spent two weeks on monitoring his condition alongside appointments with the hospital’s psychiatrist. They said there are two types of PTSD, where in one, the victim will completely forget about the whole trauma they went through, their mind wiping out the memories as a coping mechanism. The other type is where the victim remembers every detail of it vividly, where they constantly get haunted, even in their dreams, and can get triggered with a certain condition that reminds them of the trauma. Ten developed the second one, where he remembered every detail with no problem that his nights were constantly haunted with his own screams. Johnny couldn’t help to say that it’s really a big help to their investigation, although he pitied the dancer deeply.

 

“Good morning,” Johnny said carefully as he sat on a chair beside the bed. Ten was sitting on the bed, his eyes stared emptily towards the window, showing the jam-packed Seoul highway.

 

The latter didn’t respond, so Johnny decided to continue, knowing his hearing worked fine.

“My name is Johnny Seo,” he said, “I’m an inspector from the local police department. I’m here to help you,”

He didn’t budge. Johnny observed his delicate features—he’s truly good looking, with sharp nose and pretty eyes. He has a petite frame, so tiny compared to Johnny’s build, and Johnny couldn’t help but to feel a sense of protection towards him.

 

“This case has been going on for a long time, and it’s getting out of hand,” he continued, “you’re not the first victim of the case, Ten-ssi. Yet you’re the first surviving victim. You’re the only hope for us to get this solved, and you’re the only hope for the families of the deceased, to get their death justiced.”

Ten kept his silent demeanor, but Johnny noticed the slight shake in his hands, so he decided to stop.

“I know this is hard for you, Ten-ssi, and I will wait until you’re ready. There’s no rush, take your time—I just hope you will work together with us,” Johnny finalized as he stood up from his seat.

“I will come back tomorrow. Good morn—”

“He’s my friend,”

Johnny didn’t get to finish his sentence as he stopped in his track. The Thai had finally let out his voice for the first time.

“He—he’s my student,” his voice broke, his lips quivered as tears welled in his eyes.

“W—who? May I know who your friend, and student is, Ten-ssi?”

“J-Jeno. Lee Jeno.”

 

Johnny took a sharp intake of breath.

“He’s the best student in my class,” he continued in a shrill voice, “I favored him the most. We are very, very close, and we always go out to eat everytime class ends. After that, we’d go home together.”

“We were practicing for a competition,” Ten has started to sob, “we were joining a competition in three months. That night after practice, Jeno asked me if I could accompany him walk back home. Which is weird, because that’s what we always do. But I had to meet the studio owner that time, so I refused.”

“Jeno said it was fine, but I should’ve known, he knew something was coming. The studio owner said we can meet tomorrow morning, but Jeno said it’s fine. And I didn’t insist.”

 

“I—I didn’t insist, and two days later, he didn’t show up for practice for the first time in three years.”

“The next morning, the television and newspapers were full with the news of a body being found. The body of—of Lee Jeno.”

The small dancer broke into a crying fit, his body racked from his sobs.

“I—I didn’t—I didn’t insist,” he gasped through his sobs, “he had to go through the same thing I did, only more horryfing, because he—he didn’t survive.”

“They—they did horrible things,”

“They—they took me, drugged me until I was paralyzed, but I never—never passed out in the whole process. It killed me, because now I’m trapped in every detail.”

“It was cold, really cold,” he shuddered, “It felt like I was in a refrigerator. They tied my hands, my legs—stuffed my mouth—and they—they cut open,”

His body was shaking uncontrollably right now, and Johnny’s hand was hovering over the emergency button, ready to press anytime.

“I—I— _I could feel their fingers on my insides_ ,” Ten stuttered, “I could—I could feel them—I—and—Jeno—Jeno had to feel those too, all over his—body—I can’t—”

Johnny pressed on the button frantically, because he’d started hyperventilating, and Johnny didn’t even realize he had climbed on the bed and enveloped the small man in his arms, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

“It’s okay, you’re safe now, come on, breathe with me,”

But Ten seemed like he’s back to two weeks ago, inside only he-knows-where, his eyes full of fear.

“ _Don’t,_ ” he choked out, “ _Please, please—don’t—”_

His shaking body went rigid, and all of a sudden he lunged forward--seconds later there was vomit all over Johnny’s arm. Johnny gasped as the small man in his arms continued retching, coughing and spluttering when Dr. Lee and a group of nurses burst through the door.

 

“I’m sorry, Inspector Seo, can you please wait outside—thank you,”

 

Johnny drifted to the bathroom, tried his best to clean his hands and his clothes, but the smell remained—he surely had to go back to the office and change.

 

Johnny thought being threw up on wasn’t so bad considering the information he got and those that’s yet to be revealed--he just hoped Dr. Lee wouldn’t ban him from meeting the Thai man again.

 

++

 

 


	5. 005

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are beginning to take turn.

005

 

++

 

The doctor did ban him from coming again, until Ten was released from the hospital four days later—but the day they released him, a nurse from the hospital, Kim Jungwoo, called Johnny and gave him the address to Ten’s apartment.

 

“ _He lives alone in the apartment, and his family can’t be reached,”_ the nurse has stated, “ _he still has a psychiatrist appointment every Wednesday, and I’m afraid I’d have to say his mental state is still unstable. We think it will be the best if he has someone to check on him, to prevent any bad things from happening.”_

So Taeyong assigned Johnny to Ten, keeping an eye on him at all times. As the only surviving victim, it’s also very likely the suspects would come back looking for him and finish him completely—for he’s a living evidence and a living witness--the only thing needed to give the culprits away. So there Johnny was, in front of the door of a humble flat in Hongdae area, knocking it for the umpteenth time.

 

“Ten-ssi, can you please open the door for me?”

 

Still no answer. He had been knocking for ten minutes now, and he started to get worried. But then he reminded himself--he’s a police officer. He’s supposedly allowed to do a lot of things in emergency situation, including barging in someone’s apartment.

 

He tightened his lips together and braced himself, before shoving his body weight towards the door. The door budged immediately, it was never a good quality—and upon the third push, the door banged completely open.

 

“Ten-ssi?”

 

No answer, but there’s a sound of water running from the bathroom.

 

Johnny took no longer before rushing toward the bathroom in the corner of the flat, twisting the knob to find it locked. Again, he pushed it open by force, kicking it in the process.

 

“Ten-ssi!”

 

The latter sat on the cold bathroom floor, his body drenched from head to toe, the shower running. He looked up as Johnny barged in, face pale, his eyes red and swollen—but he fought back when Johnny tried to snatch the knife in his hand.

 

“Let me do it!” he screamed, “I can’t live like this anymore, please let me—”

“Ten-ssi, please calm down! This isn’t the way, please—”

“No! You don’t know how it feels!” he was hysterical, “I can’t even stop my own screams! I want it to stop, please, their hands—Jeno—Jeno—”

“Jeno wouldn’t want this, Ten-ssi!” Johnny snapped, and suddenly Ten stopped struggling in his arms.

“If you die now, there won’t be any change! We will stay clueless, the culprit will still be out there, killing off people, make them and their families suffer…”

“Jeno died in injustice, Ten-ssi, and if you die now, his death and the previous victims will stay that way. Forgotten, stay unsolved.”

“We need you, Ten-ssi,” he paused, “a lot of people put their hope in you. We rely on you. Please. Let’s bring justice to Jeno’s death, and to what happened to you, too.”

Ten was sobbing, but his grip on the knife loosened and Johnny sighed in relief. He quickly took the knife and threw it across the room.

“Everything will be fine, I promise,” he cradled the crying man in his arms, just like last time. “I will protect you. I promise.”

 

++

 

After the suicide attempt incident, they decided they have to keep Ten under their surveillance 24/7. Two days later, they’re moving Ten’s belongings, which wasn’t a lot, to Johnny’s apartment—where Ten would stay for the time being until the suspect is caught and Ten is deemed safe and stable. Johnny was the one who asked him, and surprisingly Ten agreed. It would be the best decision for the time being—they didn’t want him to have another suicide attempt.

 

Over several weeks, with the help of medicines and psychiatrist appointments, and with Johnny supporting him through the healing process--his condition has significantly improved. He did several interviews with the team already, where Taeyong tried to make it as casual as possible, to not make him feel intimidated. He’d been able to answer most of the questions they gave, refusing politely when he couldn’t bring himself to it—although his hands still shook uncontrollably everytime he talked about the incident. Johnny would find his way by then, holding his hands and caressing them gently. Ten would always calm down visibly everytime Johnny do that, so Johnny was always there.

 

Two days ago, Johnny found out someone has been following Ten when he went to the convenience store near his home—fortunately Johnny was around the area, but unfortunately, he was unable to catch sight of the stalker. He hurriedly took him home, scolding him with a selection of words he thought were not too harsh as he’s afraid he’d scare him.

 

“Ten, you should’ve told me if you want to get something—you don’t know how dangerous it is for you!”

“ _Hyung_ , I don’t want to trouble you! I caused so much nuisance already, at least I have to be able to buy a toothbrush by myself—"

“Ten, you don’t understand,” Johnny sighed, “it’s dangerous for you out there, Ten, probably the whole syndicate is looking for you. We can’t afford to lose you, you’re the only witness for this case—"

“That’s all what you think about me, right, Johnny- _hyung_?”

 

Johnny stopped in his track, clamping his mouth shut immediately.

 

“What—why, what do you mean, Ten—"

“That’s all what you think about me. I’m just a part of your work, right? I’m just merely a witness, a victim, an evidence.”

“Wh-what—of course not, Ten. You’re important to us, _to me_ , as a human. We—I care about you, Ten, I—I promised to protect you.”

Tears were beginning to well in Ten’s eyes, his voice breaking as he spoke.

“I—I always find myself calming down everytime you’re with me, _hyung_ ,” Ten stuttered, and Johnny was stunned in his place.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m feeling. I—I need you, _hyung_. I want to stay close to you. I—I’m being greedy, but I wish, I wish I am more than that, _hyung,_ ”

“I—I’m sorry—I think—I think I’m in love with you, Johnny- _hyung_. D—don’t leave me, please.”

Johnny released the breath he didn’t realized he’d been holding. A small smile slowly crept its way towards his lips.

“I will stay close to you, Ten,” he smiled, “I promise. I will protect you. I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”

He enveloped him in his strong arms, and for the first time, Ten hugged him back—he let the small man cry on his chest, probably relieved from letting his feelings out. As they let go, Johnny bent down, closing themselves in a kiss—didn’t even realizing they were waltzing towards the bed.

 

++

 

Taeyong packed his things up quickly. They finally got to go home early today, with the massive improvement they have—all thanks to Ten. They’re now working to find clues into where the warehouse they did all their actions is, because Ten was blindfolded by the time he was being taken there.

 

Taeyong knew something was going on with Ten and Johnny. After the day Ten moved into Johnny’s apartment, the Thai man has seemed happier; a cheerful tone added to his voice. Which is relieving for them, too, because his hands shook less whenever they talked about the incident to him—but Taeyong would never miss the sight of Johnny’s hand, holding firmly onto Ten’s delicate ones.

 

“Going somewhere, Inspector Lee?”

Taeyong snickered at the playful tone Johnny used.

“I guess so,” he replied, “don’t tease me when you’ve got someone waiting on your bed, _hyung_. At least we’re not living together yet.”

Yuta whistled from the corner of the room, receiving a playful smack from Sicheng. Taeyong also knew Yuta and Sicheng were planning to move in together soon, after the case ended. He’s grateful they’d wait, though. They couldn’t afford another bustle when their schedule is packed.

 

“See you tomorrow, guys,” Doyoung said in his usual sarcastic tone, “make sure you all still can _walk_ tomorrow morning.”

 

Taeyong cackled, bidding his teammates goodbye before exiting the office, typing a text to Jaehyun in the process.

 

_I’m off work already. See you at Han River Park in fifteen minutes? Don’t forget the kimbap._

He casually went inside his car as his phone lighted up from a text notification.

 

_OK Boss._

++

 

They sat on the grass in silence, the _kimbap_ and juices left forgotten on the mat. The wind blows hardly, slapping their faces—increasing the cold tension growing between them.

 

Jaehyun was smiling when he met Taeyong, when they opened the picnic mat and when they sat down. But his smile died down when Taeyong opened his jacket.

 

“So you’re a police officer. An inspector, even.” Jaehyun uttered, breaking the silence.

“H-hmm.” Taeyong nodded, unable to deny it anymore. He didn’t bother changing his clothes from the office and went straight to the park, as he wanted to spend more time with Jaehyun—and only covered it with a jacket. But upon witnessing the blue police uniform underneath, Jaehyun didn’t seem too happy.

 

“And you didn’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong exclaimed, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was about to tell you sooner, but I—”

Taeyong paused. He didn’t want to reveal he had purposely lied to Jaehyun, for the sake of their friendship.

“I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun didn’t answer. Taeyong couldn’t decipher the expression on his face—but his lips were pressed into a thin line, and his jaw tightened.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Jaehyun had finally muttered, but suddenly he slung his backpack onto his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, _Hyung_ , I have to go.”

“What? Why? Jae, listen, I’m sorry, I did it because—”

But Jaehyun had fled into the night, no longer listening, and Taeyong sighed heavily. He was going to confess his feelings tonight.

 

++

 

 


	6. 006

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! I'm really happy with the response I received from this fic, it really encourages me to write :) here's another chapter, I apologize for any mistakes and errors, I hope you enjoy it!

006

 

 

++

 

“Hyung _,_ what’s bothering you? Are you okay?”

Jaehyun looked up to his coworker, Donghyuck, who was washing the dishes alongside him in the kitchen.

“I’m fine, Hyuck, thank you for worrying,” he flashed a smile and went back to his work. Jaehyun sighed softly, careful not to be heard. It’s been a week since his last meeting with Taeyong. The latter had tried a lot of ways to contact him—he called him, texted him, even coming to the restaurant he worked at. Jaehyun tried all ways to avoid him, as well. Thankfully the convenience store was currently closed for the moment—so he couldn’t look for him there.

It’s been a week since Taeyong revealed that he’s actually an inspector. It’s been a week since Jaehyun ignored all his calls, messages and attempts to meet him. And it broke his heart terribly, as he missed the other man so much.

 

But he really couldn’t be acquainted with anyone from the police.

 

He couldn’t be _in love_ with an inspector.

 

So Jaehyun gritted his teeth and rubbed the bowl he’s washing to spotless clean, drowning himself in work, trying to forget the twinge of longing in his heart.

 

++

 

“Mom, I’m home,” Jaehyun chimed as he entered his flat, taking off his shoes in front of the door. He rubbed his chest in discomfort. It has always been like this after a long day of work, especially if the restaurant was full house until the time they close—but after a good night’s sleep, he would feel better in the morning.

 

The living room was dark and empty, maybe his mother had gone to sleep already. He reached to flick on the light switch, but nothing happened.

 

Jaehyun squinted his eyes in confusion. He’d just changed the light bulb a month ago, there’s no way it’s broken already.

 

“Mom?”

 

He suddenly noticed the eerie atmosphere inside the flat—and the sound of rustling coming from the kitchen, but his mother didn’t even respond to his calls.

 

“Mom, are you awake?”

 

He stepped slowly inside the living room, careful to not make a sound—grabbing a table lamp in the process, as an attempt to brace himself.

 

“Well, well. Jung Jaehyun, look at what you had gotten yourself into.”

 

“P—Park gwajang-nim?”

Jaehyun dropped the lamp in his hand in surprise, as he saw his superior from the convenience store job in his kitchen—his mother by his side, her hands and legs tied to a chair and a ball of cloth stuffed in her mouth. She was crying, tears streaming down her cheeks—but her cries were muffled by the cloth.

 

“Park gwajang-nim, why are you here? What happened to my mother?”

“Hmmm,” the older man hummed in response, “what could have probably happened?”

“I—I have no idea, sir,”

“Oh, you have no idea.” He nodded, but an evil smile was plastered to his face. “You have no idea, Jung Jaehyun, when you’re secretly planning on betraying us?” The man’s voice had rose, and his mother’s body shook in fear—Jaehyun had just realized that her hair was tousled and a bruise was blooming on her cheekbone.

 

“I didn’t do anything, sir,” he gritted his teeth, “what did you do to my mother?”

“Don’t play dumb on me, Jung, what could you be doing, playing around with an inspector?” the man roared—and seconds later, he had his arms slung over Mrs. Jung’s neck, a gun with a silencer aimed at her temple.

 

“Answer me, or you’d have to say goodbye to her.”

Jaehyun was stunned, his heart hammering inside his chest. His mother was crying again, her screams of fear muffled.

“I didn’t do anything, sir. I didn’t even know he’s an inspector, please, please let her go!”

“How could I know you’re saying the truth, Jung?”

“Please, please, sir. Please, take me instead, punish me instead—I didn’t even know he’s from the police, please…” Jaehyun had kneeled on his knees, begging for mercy on his mother.

“I’m sure you know our rules clearly, Jung,” the man stated ruthlessly, “lying or not, you broke the rules. And those who disobeys, shall get punished.”

 

Before Jaehyun could blink his eyes, a silenced bang went out—and seconds later his mother was on the ground, her eyes seeing into nothingness as blood began to pool under her.

 

Jaehyun was too stunned to move as the man lighted up a cigarette, walking casually over his mother’s body.

 

“I hope you learn your lesson, Jung.”

 

He walked past him, as if he didn’t just murder the most important person in Jaehyun’s life, the one who kept him going, the one he loved so much.

 

Jaehyun broke down.

 

++

 

Taeyong pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he did everytime something was bothering him. He took off his glasses and sighed tiredly as he checked his phone in sheer hope. Nothing. Jung Jaehyun had been ignoring him for a week, and it’s slowly killing him.

 

He’d try texting him, calling him, even coming to the restaurant he worked at—only to no avail. Jaehyun ignored all his texts and calls, and always managed to avoid him in the restaurant. The convenience store he worked at every afternoon miraculously was closed at the moment, so Taeyong couldn’t look for him there.

 

God, he missed him so much.

 

His teammates noticed a change in Taeyong’s demeanor, knowing inside that something must’ve happened to Taeyong and Jaehyun’s relationship, but kept silent about it. Even Taeyong had drank himself out one night, Doyoung had to pick him up and drove him home. He tried to busy himself with work these days, in hopes the amount of work would make him forget about the brown-haired man. So there he was, alone in his table that were usually surrounded by his teammates, at the wee hours of the night.

 

Taeyong was shuffling randomly through the documents he had checked three times when someone he recognized as Yukhei, a junior officer who mainly has night shifts in their station, came running towards him.

 

“Sunbae-nim,” he huffed as he reached Taeyong’s desk, “Sunbae-nim, there’s someone looking for you downstairs.”

Taeyong furrowed his eyebrows. “Looking for me? Who?”

“He’s tall, has brown hair and definitely handsome,” he said, “he told me his name is Jung Jaehyun.”

Taeyong jumped from his seat immediately.

 

++

 

“Jaehyun-ah?”

Taeyong ran through the door, approached the man he’d been missing on the waiting area, sitting with his head bowed down.

“Jae? Jae, what happened?” Taeyong gasped as he saw Jaehyun was crying, his hands shaking, and they were—they were covered in blood.

“Jae, please answer me, what happened? Whose blood is this?” Taeyong asked gently, crouching in front of him, trying to get a sight of his face.

“My—my mother—” Jaehyun stuttered, his voice breaking. “They—they killed my mother, hyung—”

Taeyong gasped once again, his face turned serious.

“Who? Who did, Jae?”

“They—they killed her, hyung, they—they—”

Before he finished his sentence, he suddenly stumbled forward, and Taeyong instinctively stretched out his arms to break the fall.

“Jae? Jaehyun-ah, can you hear me?”

Taeyong tapped his cheek lightly, but his eyes were glazed, his breath coming out in short gasps and he was clutching the front of his shirt firmly.

 

“Yukhei, help me bring him to my car, quick!”

 

++

 

Jaehyun woke up on soft grass.

 

He sat up, looking around his surroundings—and realized he was in the middle of a vast meadow, its ends seemed to fuse with the horizon. The wind was blowing softly, whistling a melody in his ears as a flock of birds flew towards the sunset.

 

Everything was so calm and serene, Jaehyun closed his eyes once again to listen to the birds chirping when someone reached for his hand.

 

He opened his eyes at the sight of his mother. She looked so beautiful, as if she’s back to her young days—her hair flew in the wind and her soft smile comforting. Jaehyun smiled towards her, but as he blinked, she’s no longer there.

 

“Mom?”

 

He looked around, but her traces nowhere to be found—and suddenly, the sound of the birds chirping was replaced by the crows cawing. The sky quickly turned dark, the caws of the crows amplified as Jaehyun’s vision turned black, and he’s falling, falling—

 

He jerked awake once again, this time to a bright light over him he had to squint his eyes. He blinked several times, trying to clear his blurry vision and recognized the familiar white ceiling, the familiar beepings, the familiar tube under his nose, providing him oxygen.

 

His eyes darted towards the window, where it’s bright outside, and tried to recall what had happened—when his heart felt like it was broken into pieces.

 

_They killed his mother. She’s dead, the only family he had, the one that has always been there for him. She’s gone._

Jaehyun’s eyes involuntarily welled up as his chest constricted, a wave of grief and sorrow rolled over his body. He curled himself up, lying on his side and cradled his hands in his chest, ignoring the IV needle on his left hand.

 

“I’m sorry, Mom, I’m so sorry, I couldn’t protect you—” he whispered in between his cries, talking to the air. Sobs racked his body as his tears rolled onto the bedsheets, his hand gripping the blanket firmly.

 

Suddenly his bed dipped, and someone climbed onto the bed, lying beside him, right behind his back. Jaehyun didn’t even bother to look behind. If it’s one of them, he’s ready. He’d be better off dead at this rate.

 

“It’s okay, I’m here.”

 

A voice too familiar, a voice he missed so much—a voice that promised him safety and protection. The voice of Lee Taeyong, and his arms had now found their way on Jaehyun’s body, embracing him like a lifeline. Jaehyun continued to cry his eyes out—still from the grief, and relief that Taeyong is here, and he wouldn’t leave.

 

“I’m here, and I will not let you go. Never again.”

 

++

 

 

 

 


	7. 007

007

 

 

++

 

Jaehyun had become awfully silent after the incident.

 

They’re keeping him in the hospital, for it hasn’t been that long since his last attack. Taeyong had seen the way his doctor’s eyebrows furrowed by the time she talked to Jaehyun regarding his tests results—it couldn’t have been good news. Jaehyun only nodded in silence by then, his eyes empty. When Taeyong entered the room, Jaehyun was crying again, hiding his face in the pillow.

 

“Jae,” Taeyong reached for his hand. “Everything will be f—”

“No,” he snapped, “no, hyung, it’s not going to be fine,”

“My mother is dead, and her only child isn’t even allowed to get up from bed to give her a proper funeral. It’s not going to be fine, hyung, it’s not,”

“I’ll take care of it,” Taeyong exclaimed immediately, “I’ll prepare for everything, and I’ll make sure they allow you to attend her funeral. Just for a day. I’ll do it.”

“Hyung,” Jaehyun mumbled, “you shouldn’t be taking care of me,”

 

Taeyong sighed.

“Jae, listen to me, okay? I love you, I told you a thousand times, and I will tell you that another thousand times until you believe me.”

“I will help you, I will protect you, I will be there for you, okay? I want to do this for you, because I care about you. Please.”

“Hyung,” Jaehyun sobbed, “Why would you be in love with someone like me? I’ll only trouble your life, I’m just a nuisance—you deserve someone better hyung, I can’t promise you a future—”

“Jung Jaehyun,” Taeyong had now climbed onto Jaehyun’s bed, facing him and cupping his face in his palms. “I hate it the most when you talk like that. You’re hurting me that way. Don’t do that. And I don’t care, I’m going to stay,”

Jaehyun bursted into tears as Taeyong embraced him, caressing his hair gently.

“Jae, when you get released from the hospital, move in with me,” he said, “let’s live together. You and me. The two of us.”

Jaehyun was still sobbing, but Taeyong could feel him nodding.

 

++

 

The officers from the department had took care of the scene in Jaehyun’s flat, but Taeyong took over in preparing the funeral for Mrs. Jung. Jaehyun has decided on cremation, and Taeyong prepared for everything needed—including begging Dr. Kim to allow him out, only for a day. She finally allowed him, although half-heartedly, as she made Taeyong saved her number onto his phone just in case something happens—and they had to return to the hospital as soon as the funeral ended. So that morning, Nurse Moon took Jaehyun’s needle out as he changed into the only black suit he had and wore the mandatory yellow band on his right forearm.

 

Jaehyun bid his mother last goodbye before they nailed the coffin close, and watched in silence as they pushed it into the retort. He leaned on Taeyong the whole time, resting his head on his shoulder as Taeyong clutched onto his hand, drawing comforting circles with his thumb. Jaehyun didn’t shed a single tear—he only stood there in silence, his eyes dull, no longer holding the sparkle that has always been there. He had refused autopsy on his mother, and hadn’t file in an investigation, although Taeyong had offered to help him through the whole process, willing to bring all the documents he’d need to the hospital. But the latter had refused, keeping his silent demeanor everytime Taeyong tried brought up the matter—so he decided to let him be, not wanting to force him. The best thing he could do right now is to be there for him and to help as much as he could.

 

They brought the urn containing his mother’s ashes to the columbarium, putting it inside the niche alongside a picture of smiling Mrs. Jung beside it. Jaehyun had requested Taeyong to buy a small bouquet of roses the day before, since his mother loved roses—and he placed it carefully inside the niche before closing the glass door.

 

Silence still accompanied them as Taeyong guided Jaehyun back into his car, until Taeyong started the engine, ready to drive back to the hospital.

“Hyung. Thank you so much,” Jaehyun muttered, “I really don’t know how to thank you enough.”

Taeyong smiled as he patted his shoulder.

“Just focus on getting better, so you can get released soon and quickly move in with me. That would be more than enough.”

Jaehyun flashed his first smile of the day as he let out a long sigh, and Taeyong reached to squeeze his arm in reassurance. They were driving through the crowded Seoul highway when Taeyong realized Jaehyun had been letting out a long sigh too many times.

 

“Are you okay?” Taeyong asked, glancing towards Jaehyun.

“Yeah,” the latter answered shortly, letting out another sigh as he loosened the tie on his neck. “Just tired. Maybe I should sleep a bit, hyung.”

“Yeah, sure, go to sleep. I’ll wake you up by the time we arrive.”

Jaehyun nodded as he leaned back on the car seat, his hands fumbling with the top button of his shirt as he opened it before closing his eyes. Taeyong kept his focus on the road, the hospital not too far away by now.

 

“Jae,” Taeyong tapped Jaehyun’s shoulder by the time he pulled up near the hospital’s front door. “Jae, we’ve arrived.”

“Jaehyun-ah?”

But the younger didn’t respond. He didn’t budge, his head turned slightly towards the car window.

“Jaehyun?” Taeyong called once again, starting to get anxious. He shook his body lightly, but Jaehyun didn’t move, didn’t open his eyes.

That’s when he realized there’s a faint bluish tint to Jaehyun’s usual rosy lips.

“Oh God.”

He quickly pulled his seatbelt open, scrambled out of the car, shouting for anyone as he tugged the passenger door open harshly, hauling Jaehyun’s body onto his arms.

“ _Not now. Please, not now._ ”

 

++

 

Taeyong was only allowed to enter the room two hours later, and he wasted no time to rush to Jaehyun’s side—now awake, his face pale, covered with a transparent mask that fogged up with every huff he breathed. Taeyong reached to cup his head in his palm, planting a gentle peck on his forehead in the process.

 

“They said there’s fluid in your lungs,” Taeyong uttered, his heart breaking upon saying it. “I didn’t realize you’re already feeling unwell in the car, Jae. You should’ve told me.”

 “I was really scared,” Taeyong mumbled, “I thought I was going to lose you.”

Jaehyun shook his head slowly, looking too tired to keep up a conversation—but he reached for Taeyong’s hand, slowly intertwining his own fingers with his.

 

“…’m s-rry.” Jaehyun breathed, muffled by the mask, and Taeyong had to lean down to actually listen to what he’s saying.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and Taeyong smiled, squeezing Jaehyun’s fingers in his hand gently.

“It’s okay,” Taeyong paused, “at least now you’re fine, and I want you to only get better. Promise me you’ll fight for it.”

He didn’t answer, but he laced his pinky finger with Taeyong’s, promising him something he’s not even sure of.

 

++

 

Yuta scanned the archive made from their interviews with Ten. The culprits of the case seemed to be lying down low now, since the police department didn’t receive any report for the past month. Yuta thought, with the police having Ten by their side, the syndicate seemed to be very cautious and taking careful steps right now—but they shouldn’t be getting off-guard, for the syndicate also seemed like they’re still targeting Ten as well. Which is a predictable move, he’d say. They would definitely want to get rid of Ten, to get rid of the ultimate evidence that could get them arrested.

 

They might have been making significant improvements with Ten’s interviews, but Ten hadn’t really told them the whole story. There’s a part he’d always skip, overwhelmed by the memories of them trying to get his kidneys out. He’d repeat how he was taken when he was on the way home from the studio, got shoved in the back of a truck in which they blindfolded him. And then suddenly he was in a room so cold it felt like a refrigerator, with his limbs tied. Yuta somehow believed the memory in between is there in Ten’s mind, only he got so overwhelmed by the procedure part that he could only focus on telling them that.

 

They’re in the interrogation room again now, accompanied by Johnny, Yuta and Sicheng. Sicheng had always been the one who asked him the questions, since he had the gentlest tone and demeanor from the five of them—Doyoung or Yuta could’ve accidentally snap at him.

 

“So—I was shoved to the back of a truck, and there were several people already inside, all of them wearing black. One—one of them proceeded to blindfold and taped my mouth shut.”

 

Johnny and Sicheng was still listening patiently, although it was the umpteenth time the Thai male depicted it. Yuta tapped his knee in impatience under the table, trying not to be seen.

 

“They—they also tied my hands and legs in there, in the back of the truck. They were driving me somewhere, I couldn’t recount how long the ride was, but finally the truck stopped somewhere, and they dragged me out of the truck.”

 

Yuta straightened his back on his seat as Ten added details to the story, in which they had never gotten before.

 

“They dragged me inside a room, I knew because I could hear the sound of a door opening. And then they opened the blindfold.”

 

In the corner of his eye Yuta could see Sicheng and Johnny tensed up.

 

“I—Turned out I was inside a convenience store, but—but it was dark.” Ten continued, his hands started to shake. “They’re still holding me by the collar, my limbs were still tied. They forced me to turn towards the cashier counter, where someone—a man stood and observed my face.”

 

“The man looked into a document after that, and I could see him nodding. After—after that, they blindfolded me again, and dragged me somewhere. When they opened it again, I was in the cold room, with a wooden table in the middle. The—the wood has weird dark red stains on it.”

 

“They—they shoved me onto the table, and untied me, only to tie my limbs again to—to the table. They opened the tape on my mouth as well, but then stuffed a ball of cloth instead.”

 

“The room was silent, too silent, but it made their steps, the clinking of tools reverberated inside my ears. I tried to struggle and scream, but everytime I did that, they’d slap me.”

 

Johnny tightened his grip on Ten’s palm, trying to comfort him. His heart broke terribly hearing all of this, but this is the first time Ten told them everything in more detail, and Johnny encouraged him to continue.

 

“They injected me with something, and—and I started to feel light, but I could still feel their hands on me. I could still feel their slap, but it was not as painful as before--everything was toned down.”

 

“And—and then they cut my stomach open. It—it was painful, really painful, and I screamed, but the pain wasn’t enough to make me pass out. It was painful, but it was toned down. If they didn’t give me _that_ thing, I would definitely have passed out.”

 

“But that’s where the nightmare happened, because I witnessed everything they did, and I could feel everything,” Ten shuddered, his lips starting to quiver as his eyes water. “They were gutting me, I could feel their hands inside my stomach, gripping here and there—and then there was a snap, and the pain was agonizing, I screamed, and screamed, I thought I was going to die— _I wish I’d just die_.”

 

Ten bursted into tears, his hands shaking uncontrollably and Johnny enveloped him in his arms.

 

“I think that would be enough for today,” Johnny said, gesturing to Sicheng and Yuta. Sicheng nodded in agreement, dismissing them as Johnny guided Ten to the infirmary, half carrying him.

 

“I’m calling Taeyong,” Yuta reached for his phone, and Sicheng nodded, having the same thing in their mind.

 

++

 

 

 


	8. 008

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, I'm back! First of all I want to thank everyone who had been reading this fic until now, thank you so much! Your comments and kudos will be much appreciated, since I really want to know what you think of this story :) this chapter might seem like a filler chapter for the upcoming ones, but this contains a lot of information connected to the next chapters. I hope you enjoy it! <3

008

 

 

++

 

“Shh, it’s alright, I’m here, it’s alright…”

Johnny cooed to Ten’s ear in the office infirmary, the latter still crying and shaking uncontrollably in his arms. He had to down his anti-depressants pill earlier, since he didn’t manage to calm down with Johnny’s hand caressing his arm like usual.

 

“It was so terrifying, hyung, I’m so scared…”

“I know, Ten, I know, I won’t let them go near you, okay? I’ll make sure you’ll always be safe.”

Ten was starting to calm down, his breaths evening out slowly.

“Hyung… these days… I dream of Jeno.”

“Really? You meet him in your dreams?”

“Yeah,” Ten paused, “They were always good dreams at first, hyung. I dreamed we danced together again, and we’re on the stage, winning a competition we’re supposed to join.”

Ten flinched. He had never gone back to the dance studio since the incident, too scared he’d be taken away again on the way there. The owner has always been a kind-hearted man, though—he let him rest and take his time, and to come back whenever he’s ready.

“And then I was holding Jeno’s hand, hyung, we were bowing to the cheering audience, the stage lights blinding,”

“But when I blinked, I was suddenly on a bridge, Jeno no longer beside me. Instead—instead he was in the water under me, hyung, his skin deathly, his empty eyes staring at me.”

Ten’s description reminded Johnny of the condition they’ve found Lee Jeno in. It was obvious he had died hours prior—his body rigid, skin deathly pale and ashen, his eyes staring into nothing.

“But—but then his lips move, and—and he screamed,”

“his screams were so piercing, hyung, and then—and then—he started to blame me. Blaming me for his death.”

 

Johnny was stunned, and he quickly made a mental note to tell this to Ten’s doctor for his next appointment. He thought Ten was already getting better all this time.

 

“He screamed at me, hyung, asking me why I wasn’t there. Why did I chose to not accompany him that night. Why did I not choose him.”

“And—and he said, he didn’t want to be in this alone, hyung,” Ten was sobbing again, “he—he said I should _join him._ I have to pay for my mistakes that night, by joining him in the dark waters. To—to accompany him this time.”

 

“Oh, Ten, what are you talking about,” Johnny embraced the small man back in his arms, “Jeno was a good kid, right? He would never want that. Those are just dreams, Ten, dreams don’t really mean anything.”

“But I don’t want him to be alone,” Ten blurted out, and Johnny could feel his body going slack against his chest, the pill he downed earlier taking effects.

“I don’t want to fail him again, hyung, I have to accompany him… I have to…”

“No, Ten, you’re hallucinating, it’s the effects of the medicine,” Johnny said, biting his lower lip in worry.

“Now go to sleep, okay? I’ll be there when you wake up.”

“No… no sleep,” Ten muttered, but his eyelids were half-closed already. “If I… sleep, Jeno will come and take me with him, hyung…”

 

But then Ten’s eyes were closed tight by then, and Johnny let the small man lie comfortably on the white sheets, pulling the blanket up to his chest, as he continued to chew his bottom lip, worry washing all over him.

 

Could this be a sign of something coming?

 

++

 

“Nonsense! Why are you accussing him, we don’t know yet—”

“We are not accussing him, Taeyong-hyung. And that’s my point, we don’t know yet, and in order to know, I’m suggesting to question him, for data collecting reasons. We should do that to every convenience store in the area anyway!”

 

Taeyong sighed, couldn’t argue more since Doyoung was right. They had given him the results of the last interview and the details Ten gave, which included the presence of a convenience store. They needed to start investigations on every convenience store around the area, and Yuta, together with Sicheng, suggested they’d start with Sajik-ro convenience store, which included questioning the cashier—none other than Jung Jaehyun.

 

“Okay. I understand.” Taeyong gave up. Despite all the things that has happened between him and Jaehyun, he’s still an inspector responsible for this case, and he had to be professional.

“I understand, but he’s sick. He’s very sick right now, please wait until he recovers. I’d keep an eye on him until then.”

 

++

 

Taeyong stepped forward to be Jaehyun’s guardian in the hospital, replacing his mother, without the latter’s consent. He was called to the doctor’s office that Saturday morning, when he visited the hospital, willing to spend the day with Jaehyun, after only being able to visit him for a little while in between his lunch breaks.

 

“Good morning, Mr. Lee,” the middle-aged woman greeted him as he sat in front of her, her eyes kind and warm, reminding Taeyong of his own mother.

“Since you’re now Jaehyun’s guardian, I suppose you’re his…?”

“I… I’m his close friend,” Taeyong interjected immediately, but Dr. Kim grinned, and Taeyong scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

“Is there anything you want to talk about, Dr. Kim?”

“Ah, yes, Mr. Lee…” she shuffled to open a file holder, which Taeyong supposed, contained Jaehyun’s test results.

“Jaehyun has been having this condition for a long time, since he was in middle school, and I was his doctor since then, so I know every progress he has.”

“He’s been in very good control the last few years, Mr. Lee, but these past few months has been bad,” she said as she proceeded to click open a file on her desktop, showing a few monochrome images that Taeyong couldn’t understand, but she explained nonetheless.

“I’m going to explain this in a simple way,” she smiled, sensing the confusion in Taeyong’s eyes as he thanked her quietly. “This is Jaehyun’s MRI results, and this is the part where he had problems to begin with,” she pointed to a left side of the image, “and this is where it stays for a long time. We had it under control with a surgery, regular check-ups and medications.”

“But our last tests proved otherwise,” she continued as Taeyong began to bite onto his nails unconsciously, a habit he had since he was little, whenever he’s anxious.

“Now the right side of his heart is starting to show signs of failing as well. It usually came as the results of uncontrolled left ventricle failure. When the left ventricle fails, the pressure is transferred back to his lungs, which causes damage to his right ventricle, in charge of the lungs. And this causes fluid build-up in a lot of places, which is why there’s fluid in his lungs a few days ago,”

 

Taeyong was slowly processing the information. When his father was ill, he was too young to actually come into the doctor’s office and listen to their explanation—he’d only witness his mother and sister coming inside, and walking out with tears in their eyes. Now that he’s actually there, listening to her soft voice, yet killing words, as if she’s sentencing Jaehyun--he couldn’t help but feeling like tearing up as well.

 

“But worry not,” she said, trying to cheer up the gloomy atmosphere, “we still have options to control it with medications, and a healthy, stress-free lifestyle, of course. Which is why I called you here, Mr. Lee. I heard about the murder of Jaehyun’s mother.”

Taeyong nodded, “Yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you last time, but I guess news has been going around.”

“He’d never lived an easy life ever since I knew him, Mr. Lee. His father left him when he was struggling with the condition, and not too long ago, his mother was diagnosed with early stage cancer,”

 

Taeyong was stunned.

“Can—Cancer?”

“Yes, breast cancer, to be specific. I guess he didn’t tell you yet.”

Taeyong shook his head weakly. He thought he had known him well.

“His mother’s condition began to worsen, and she had to resign from her job. And Jaehyun had to take over, in order to cover their expenses, with his own poor health. He often skipped check ups and appointments since then. He had to alternate expenses between his and his mother medications, I guess, and cancer treatments, especially, aren’t cheap.”

 

He wanted to hit himself in the head. Jaehyun had never told him his struggles—he thought he had known him well enough all this time.

“What I’m trying to say is… The next days aren’t going to be easy for him, Lee Taeyong-ssi. He must find a hard time to cope with the recent events, but we don’t want him to be under too much stress. It will be really bad for his condition. I hope… I hope you can take care of him, Taeyong-ssi. He’s one of my longest patient, and I guess I can’t help but to worry.”

“I understand,” Taeyong nodded, but he clenched his palms together, his heart aching. “I will try my best.”

 

++

 

“Taeyong-hyung,”

Jaehyun’s bright smile greeted him as he entered the room, his dimples showing up. Taeyong smiled back at him, trying to blink back the tears he was desperately holding in as he planted a kiss on the other’s lips.

“You’re late today,” he said as he nibbled slowly on his morning snack. Taeyong observed the beautiful man in front of him. He’s obviously getting skinnier, his face features gaunt and his collarbones prodding against his skin. His skin has better color than the other days already, though—the usual faint pink blush on his cheeks are back.

“I… I got something to take care of first thing,” Taeyong lied, not wanting to worry the latter.

Jaehyun nodded, “Hyung, I… I want to ask Dr. Kim to release me tomorrow,”

“What? Jae, they still need to monitor you, you’re not allowed to get out yet—”

“Hyung, I feel fine already,” he protested, “and… and I don’t want to waste too much money.”

 

Taeyong sighed, reminded of his doctor’s words earlier.

“Jae, you never told me about your mother.”

His movements stopped altogether, and he put the fork in his hand down.

“You never told me your mother was very sick, you had to give up your own treatments for her.”

“I… I don’t want to burden anyone with my unnecessary stories,” he bowed his head, “I would still have to struggle by myself, it’s my problem, and not anyone else’s. There’s no need to tell others.”

Taeyong almost ran through his hair in frustration.

“How many times I have to tell you that I care about, you, Jae?” he snapped, and Jaehyun looked up in surprise, taken aback by his change of tone.

“Jae, please. We are together now. You’re my boyfriend, and I’m yours. Please, please consider me as well. It felt like you don’t acknowledge me as someone important.”

“Hyung, that’s not what I meant,” he paused, “it’s just… I’m not used to this much attention, and the amount of affection you gave me, hyung. I just… I just don’t want to trouble anyone.”

The look in Taeyong’s eyes softened.

“You’re one of the most genuine, humble person I’ve ever known,” he reached for Jaehyun’s hand. “You’ve always thought of others, and put others first. But you have to think of yourself too.”

“Your problems are my problems too, Jae. Now don’t worry about anything, okay? Don’t worry about troubling me, don’t worry about the bills. All you have to do now is to get better.”

 

He climbed on Jaehyun’s bed, leading the younger to lie down as he cradled him close.

“Hyung, I love you,” Jaehyun muttered, “I love you so, so much. Let’s… let’s stay like this. For a long time.”

Taeyong smiled, and he reached down to kiss him, deep and passionate it left him breathless—only stopping when Jaehyun pulled away to catch his breath.

“I guess too much love won’t be good for you too,” he chuckled, “but yeah, let’s stay like this.”

 

They both fell asleep to a comforting afternoon nap, only waking up when Nurse Moon entered to deliver Jaehyun’s lunch, grinning ear-to-ear. Taeyong quickly climbed down, his face felt warm and he almost laughed when he saw Jaehyun’s flushed cheeks.

 

Everything would be alright, he supposed.

 

++

 

 


	9. 009

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, I'm back! Sorry for the late post, I've just been back from a short vacation haha. This chapter might be short, but it marks a very important part in this whole story, so I hope I deliver it well! I promise I'll update the next chapter very soon. Please leave comments and kudos, they mean so much to me :) enjoy!

009

 

++

 

Four days later, Jaehyun was released from the hospital, and Taeyong took him to his old flat to pack his belongings. Jaehyun looked like he’s avoiding the kitchen the whole time they were there, so Taeyong guessed it was where the incident happened.

 

“Jae,” Taeyong put his hand on his shoulder as Jaehyun packed his clothes. “It’s not too late yet to file for an investigation, for your mother. I will help you.”

Just like how he expected it, Jaehyun shook his head, continuing to move his clothes to the box.

“It’s okay, hyung. You helped me so much already, I don’t want to trouble you more.”

Taeyong opened his mouth to protest, but Jaehyun cut him.

“Maybe I will, when the time is right. I—I just don’t want to think about it now, hyung. I… I want to calm myself first.”

 

Taeyong nodded in understanding, “Okay. Please tell me if you want to, I’ll make sure it’s handled by my team. The best team in the office.”

Jaehyun laughed lightly, breaking the gloomy atmosphere around them. They continued to pack, Jaehyun only taking some belongings of his mother along with him—not having the heart to tidy up her stuffs, yet. So Taeyong took him to his apartment shortly after, nestled in the crowded area of Songwol-gil.

 

“I moved here last year,” Taeyong told him, “My family lives in Busan with my sister, my mother couldn’t stand the Seoul rush.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but gaped his mouth upon entering.

“You should’ve earned a lot, being an inspector, huh?” Jaehyun teased, and Taeyong laughed.

“I could say… We’re comfortable.”

 

He guided Jaehyun to his room as they both sat on the parquet floor, unpacking Jaehyun’s belongings.

“Jae,” Taeyong started, biting his bottom lip in the process, trying to be careful. “Hmmm?” Jaehyun hummed in response, his hands continued working.

“The police—my team is currently handling a case. A particularly difficult case, I’d say, and you must have heard about it, it’s all over the media.”

“It’s the organ trafficking case that’s been going around for a while now,”

 

Jaehyun’s hands suddenly stopped moving, as if he was stunned for a moment—but then he continued working, reaching for a photo frame in his box, opening the wrap.

“Of course I heard about it,” Jaehyun responded, “everyone’s talking about it.”

“Yeah, they must be.”

“The thing is… the very recent victim survived, and he’s with the police now. We are getting clues here and there, and… his recent testimony stated he was taken to a convenience store before they tried to… to ‘operate’ him.”

 

Jaehyun seemed to be stunned in his place again, and Taeyong was afraid he might have offended him.

“Jae, I’m sorry if I offend you or if I bother you, with all the things in your mind right now—but the team is starting investigations on every convenience store in the area, and… and considering you work as a cashier in one of them, we… we need to question you,” he explained as careful as possible, “for data collecting reasons, of course.”

Taeyong quickly added, waiting for Jaehyun’s response, who was still silent, his hands fumbling with the edge of the box.

“Okay. I’ll do it.” Jaehyun nodded, and Taeyong smiled in relief, releasing the breath he didn’t realize had been holding.

“You’re truly okay with it, aren’t you?”

“Of course. You helped me so much with everything, hyung, guess now it’s time for me to pay you back.”

“Great. I’ll tell the team to schedule for it,”

Taeyong planted a quick peck to his lips, then proceeded to walk out of the room, looking for his phone. Inside the room, Jaehyun sighed heavily, staring out of the window, looking at Seoul’s skyline with a thousand thoughts burdening his mind.

 

++

 

Jaehyun sat cross-legged on Taeyong’s apartment balcony, the cold night air didn’t seem to bother him. He pushed his cold hands inside the pocket of his jacket instead, heaving a long sigh.

 

In a span of two weeks, his life took turn for the worst—and best, ironically. His mother was murdered, betrayed by the people he put his trust into, the people who he thought, would help him through life. They took the most precious person in his life instead, and she’s gone forever, forever.

 

But then there comes Taeyong—the best part of it all. He’d never felt like this before—the warmth inside his heart as Taeyong held him, whispering comforting words and planting kisses all over him—and the beauty Taeyong holds, he couldn’t take his eyes off him. He’d never loved someone this much—but ironically, he’s an inspector, the number one person he couldn’t get acquainted to. But now he got involved too deep—his questioning with the police will happen tomorrow, in the very Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency, 10 am sharp.

 

“Fuck it,” Jaehyun laughed into the empty air, “they betrayed me. Why should I trust them now? Better off betraying them as well.”

 

He pulled his hands out of his pockets—but he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter along. He used to smoke back in high school, when things were hard--when his ignorant father left home, when he had to give up his dream on going to the university, majoring in art, and when he had to watch his mother going on double jobs, working herself to death, aging ten times faster than before.

 

He only did it for a short while, though, when he realized he’d only speed up his death that way with his already failing heart, and all his mother’s hard work would be gone to waste. So Jaehyun stopped, but a part of him refused, keeping the lighter and an extra pack in the lowest part of his drawer. Fortunately he managed to stop, the lighter and the pack remained in its place for years.

 

Until now.

 

He flicked on the lighter and ignited the nicotine stick, taking a long drag. It still felt so good, as the toxic smoke filled his lungs, the lungs that betrayed him a week ago—but he couldn’t care less. Everything was getting too much, everything hurt—and he’d met dead end anyway. Soon _they_ will start looking for him, and if not, he had gotten himself involved with the police, and if not, his own failing heart will betray him in the end. There’s no way out, and he felt like giving up already.

 

Jaehyun took another drag as he thought of Taeyong and laughed bitterly. Funny how the best thing that has happened in his life, also turned out to be the possible death of him. Why is life so unfair? Why couldn’t he just—

 

His train of thoughts were cut off by the sound of the balcony door opening. Jaehyun whipped his head behind him, finding Taeyong, who just got home from work, stepping to the balcony—and he rushed to stub out the cigarette before Taeyong snatched it from his hand.

 

Jaehyun eyed Taeyong’s complexion, expecting disappointment, but instead he proceeded to bring the cigarette to his lips, taking a drag.

 

“I used to smoke as well,” Taeyong sighed, “but then I promised myself, if I got promoted to be an inspector in two years, I’d stop.”

“And I did, in less than two years. Since then, I always promise myself in order to achieve something. Just like this apartment. I promised myself to buy a home, so my family could live in Busan peacefully. One year later, I did it. And never once I’d fail.”

“And now I’m promising myself again,” he continued, “I promise, once I get the suspects of the organ theft case arrested, once I get the case closed, once I bring justice to the victims and their families—I will settle my life. With you.”

 

Jaehyun looked up, stunned at Taeyong’s words.

“I’m promising you the rest of my life,” Taeyong said, “hold my words, I’m going propose you.”

Jaehyun could feel his eyes water, and he quickly looked away—but Taeyong reached to cup his face in his palms.

“So you have to promise me as well,” he uttered, “Promise me you’ll get better, promise me you’ll take care of yourself, Jae."

He threw the cigarette to the floor, stepping on it before taking away the cigarette box from Jaehyun's hand.

"Promise me you’ll be here with me, until forever ends.”

 

Jaehyun couldn’t hold it anymore as tears rolled onto his cheeks, his heart heavy.

“Hyung,” he muttered, “Hyung, I love you,”

 

_He couldn’t let this go on any longer. He couldn’t lie to Taeyong forever._

“Hyung, I—I’m one of them.”

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

 

Jaehyun heaved a sigh, another fat drop of tears rolled out of his eyes.

 

“The organ trafficking syndicate. I—I’m one of them.”

 

++


	10. 010

010

 

++

 

“Jae,” Taeyong laughed, “you must be joking. Don’t joke around with this matter, Jae, I don’t like it.”

“Hyung, I’m saying the truth,” Jaehyun looked straight into Taeyong’s eyes, and his laugh died down.

“I’m not lying every single bit, hyung. I’m a part of them. They—they’re the one that murdered my mother.”

 

Taeyong couldn’t move, his whole body stunned to the floor. A cold sensation ran through his spine as his heart thrummed against his ribcage.

 

“Im—impossible,” Taeyong swatted his hand, “That’s not true, Jae. You must be lying.”

“Hyung!” Jaehyun snapped as he got up from the chair, leveling his eyes. “Hyung, I’m not lying! Why, do you think, anyone would come to our house, and blew up my mother’s head, who was just an ordinary office worker? A fucking robbery?”

“We are so poor, hyung, nothing could be robbed from us, you know that! They killed my mother because her son, a useless wimp, apparently decided it’s a good idea to join the syndicate, with the amount of money they promised me! My mother was very, very sick, hyung, and I have to take care of her, but I would have dropped dead without my own medications. Do you think a simple cashier job would pay for cancer and heart failure treatments?”

 

Taeyong was rendered speechless, his eyes shaking, looking for answers.

“But then I met you, hyung,” Jaehyun’s eyes were watering again, “someone so kind to me, someone who loves me for who I am, and I couldn’t help but to fall for you too. But turns out you’re an inspector, and particularly, the one who lead the investigation against the syndicate. They were angry, hyung. They thought I was betraying them, they thought I became your spy. To—to punish me, and to remind me of my place, they--they killed my mother.”

 

“That’s when I realized I’ve put my trust with the wrong people,” tears were now streaming down his cheeks, “When my mother dropped dead in the kitchen, when my senior shot her in the head. I couldn’t trust them anymore. And—I didn’t know where to go, hyung, and I thought—I—so—I go to the police. To—to you.”

 

Taeyong shook his head, stepping back from the balcony.

“Nonsense,” he mumbled, “You’re talking nonsense, Jung Jaehyun. This can’t be true.”

He grabbed his jacket, car keys and his bag, stomping through the living room when Jaehyun reached for his hand.

“Hyung! I’m sorry!” he wailed, “Hyung, please, I’m not going back to them, I want them to get arrested too, hyung, I won’t be a part of them anymore—”

“ _Don’t touch me,_ ” Taeyong hissed, before stopping in his track, trying to control his emotions. “So you came to me just because you need protection. Just—just because they’ve betrayed you. You’re just using me because you’re scared of them going after you.”

“It’s not like that!” he whimpered, “Please, I realized my mistakes, hyung, I did wrong, now I want to pay for it, I want to help the police—even if that means you have to arrest me too! Hyung, please— _trust me,_ ”

 

But Taeyong snatched his hand from Jaehyun’s grip, tears welling in his eyes.

“L—leave me alone,” he exclaimed, “I—I want to be alone.”

 

He stomped out of the apartment as he slammed the door close, unable to hold back his tears anymore.

 

++

 

“Hyung, if you’re actually gonna drink yourself to death, at least tell me why, so they don’t accuse me for murdering you.”

 

Doyoung sighed as he watched Taeyong pouring his umpteenth shot of soju, his cheeks red. Taeyong called him an hour ago, his voice thick and it was obvious he was crying—to come to the midnight street food stall they’ve always frequented. When he arrived, Taeyong was already on his third bottle, his face full of misery—but he wouldn’t answer any question Doyoung asked.

 

“Did you break up with Jaehyun?” Doyoung finally asked, and Taeyong snapped his head to his direction, his eyes bleary.

“No? Yes? Maybe? I don’t know,” he replied, his speech slurred as he downed another shot.

“That’s why I don’t want to invest myself in a thing so-called love,” Doyoung snorted, talking to himself. “I thought you were doing so, too, hyung, with your career reaching its peak. But then you fell head over heels for the cashier.”

 

Taeyong shook his head, but only he knows what the meaning was. Doyoung lit up his cigarette as Taeyong groaned loudly, slamming his shot glass to the table—earning looks from the people around them. Doyoung muttered quiet apologies as he bowed his head towards them, almost facepalming himself in embarrassment.

 

“Okay, you’re absolutely drunk. Now let’s get you home,” Doyoung tried to pull Taeyong, who was already resting his head on the table. He’d been friends with Taeyong since forever, and this is the first time he’d seen the latter so miserable.

 

“No home,” Taeyong blurted, his hands swatting the air, telling him no. “No home. Your home.”

Doyoung sighed.

“Okay, my home, it is. God, you have to give me a bonus paycheck by the end of the month,” he hauled Taeyong’s arms onto his shoulder, supporting his wobbly legs to his car.

 

++

 

Taeyong woke up with a splitting headache the next day.

He groaned as he opened his eyes, trying to cover them from the bright sunlight. He blinked several times, trying to focus his vision when he realized he’s not on his bed.

 

He was on a mattress on the wooden floor, the furnitures and wall finishings around him too familiar.

“Are you awake now?”

Doyoung’s voice reverberated through the air, along with a delicious scent from the dining table. Taeyong pushed himself up to a sitting position, trying to remember last night’s events that ended him up in Doyoung’s apartment.

 

_“…please, trust me.”_

Jaehyun’s last plea before he stomped out of the door echoed in his head, and all his memories came back in a flash, making his head pound in pain. He groaned, trying to ignore the memory in the back of his mind as he rubbed his face, hiding the tears that were threatening to come out again.

 

“Hyung, I made you bean sprouts soup,” Doyoung called him from the dining table, “come here and eat, then I’ll give you painkillers. Then we have to go to work.”

He dragged his heavy body towards the kitchen, before plopping himself on the chair beside his friend. On the table was a bowl of steaming bean sprouts soup, along with fried eggs and side dishes, complete with a bowl of rice. Doyoung has always been a good cook, just like how he’s a good eater.

 

“Do you still object from telling me what happened last night?”

Taeyong sighed as he took out his rice, pouring them into the soup bowl.

“I’ll tell you in the office. Everybody needs to know.”

“Wait. Is there anything suspicious about—”

 

Doyoung’s sentence was left hanging when his phone rang, and he reached for his phone, reading the caller’s name. It’s Johnny.

“Hello, hyung?”

“ _Doyoung-ah, can you call Taeyong? I’ve been trying to call him, but he didn’t answer!”_

“Uh, he’s with me, hyung. What’s the matter?”

_“He’s with you? God, I’m going crazy. Can we meet at the office now? Ten is missing.”_

“What? What—how?”

_“I don’t know, okay?”_ Johnny’s voice nearly came out as a scream, his voice laced with frustration. _“God, I shouldn’t have let him throw the trash. He went down to throw out the trash this morning, and—and he didn’t come back until now. I looked for him everywhere, but he’s not there. And—and he left his phone in my room,”_

“Oh God. Okay. We’re going there now.”

_“Yeah, please hurry. I told Yuta and Sicheng too.”_

“Okay hyung. Take care.”

 

“Hyung, we have to hurry,” Doyoung quickly took his bowls back to the kitchen, didn’t bother to finish the contents as Taeyong eyed him confusedly.

“Ten is missing.”

 

++

 

 


	11. 011

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I want to announce to you my readers, that this story is ending soon hahaha. I hope you liked it so far, and I hope I delivered the climax chapters and the revelations well! More and more are going to be revealed, so stay tuned for updates. I'm really sorry for any grammar mistakes and errors, I'm trying my best :(
> 
> And if you like my story, please, please do leave comments and kudos to let me know how you think! It serves as an encouragement to me and it really means a lot :)
> 
> Thank you so much for those who followed this story from the very beginning as well as my new readers, I love you all <3

011

 

++

 

Taeyong grabbed his car keys and made a break through the door upon hearing Doyoung’s statement, turning a deaf ear to his friend’s confused calls. He ignored the pounding pain on the back of his head, rushing towards his car and almost broke the speed limit as he drove back to his apartment.

 

“Jaehyun?”

 

Taeyong called as he bursted through the door, heaving for breath. But the view of his living room dumbfounded him, as he was stunned in front of the doorway.

 

To call it a mess was an understatement. The pillows on the sofa was thrown here and there, the standing lamp toppled over—even the picture frames on the shelves were on the floor, its glass broken.

 

“Jaehyun?”

 

Taeyong called, but again to no answer, and he decided to make a run to the bedroom. The bedroom was no different with the previous scene he’s at—the bedside lamps knocked over, the covers thrown to the floor—but he gasped this time.

 

There were drops of blood on the white bedsheets.

 

“Jae!”

 

He opened every opening possible in his apartment—the bathroom, the kitchen, the laundry, even the wardrobe, only to no avail. Jaehyun was nowhere to be seen, and in desperation he rummaged the drawer for his charger, connecting it to his dead phone.

 

It lit up immediately, before notifying him of tons missed calls and messages—the recent ones were from Johnny, but then he scrolled further.

 

_7 missed calls from Jung Jaehyun._

_1 new message from Jung Jaehyun._

His hand shook as he tapped open the message, the loading screen felt like an eternity before he could feel his legs turning to jelly.

 

The message only contained two phrases.

 

_I love you, I’m sorry_

His hands were shaking again as he dialed Jaehyun’s number, biting his nails again as he waited—but then Jaehyun’s familiar ringtone reverberated through the air, its source not far from him.

 

It came from under the couch.

 

He quickly looked around for anything that could help him to fish the phone out, before deciding on a book. Its blinking screen came into view and he grabbed it, his world came crashing down.

 

The screen was cracked, covered with blood.

 

++

 

_“Don’t touch me,”_

 

Taeyong’s cold, cruel tone reverberated inside Jaehyun’s head once again. He’d always talked to him with such affection laced onto his voice—but that night, all the warmth seemed to have evaporated into thin air. His complexion was full of disappointment, and anger, almost _hatred_ evident in his gaze it made Jaehyun winced.

 

Taeyong left the apartment, stomping his way to the door but Jaehyun felt he was stomping on his heart instead. He couldn’t bring himself to go after the older, because he _knew_ , he had made an unforgivable mistake. He was crying his eyes out on the bedroom floor, unable to think straight--but maybe he was just going to pack his things up, go back to his old flat and waited for death to pick his pathetic ass up.

 

That was when he heard the front door clicking, and someone walked in.

 

He could feel warm sensation running through his fingers because _it might be Taeyong_ , he might have come back, he might want to _forgive him_.

 

But he was wrong.

 

“What a nice place,” a heavy voice sounded from the living room, “no wonder you left us for him, huh? Come out, Jung!”

 

Jaehyun could feel his heart thrumming against his ribcage, adrenaline starting to run inside his veins as he crept towards the wardrobe, trying to be as silent as possible, and hid himself between Taeyong’s clothes. His shaking hands dialed Taeyong’s number in sheer hope, hoping the man would remember the beautiful nights and days they had, hoping that he would still care.

 

But he never answered.

 

He typed a short message to him as a last resort—maybe if Taeyong still cares, maybe if Taeyong would still look for him, he’d have to know that he loves him with all his heart, and to forgive him since he’d only find no more than his dead body—because Jaehyun knew, this is the end.

 

_I love you, I’m sorry_

Tears were welling up in Jaehyun’s eyes, and he had to bite his lower lip in order to keep him from sobbing audibly—but that was when the wardrobe door bursted open and Jaehyun was shoved forward, his phone pelted off his hand.

 

“Hiding inside the wardrobe is so classic, Jung,” it was the man who had killed his mother, Park—his sadistic laugh resounded inside the room. He reached for Jaehyun’s collar, but Jaehyun grabbed a photo frame and hurled it towards the man’s head.

 

It hit straight at his temple and the man released his grip, clutching his head in pain, so Jaehyun quickly grabbed his phone and made a run to the bedroom door. He almost reached the door handle before he was tackled to the ground, his breath knocked out of his chest as he hit the hardwood floor.

 

“Son—of—a—bitch,” the older man grabbed Jaehyun’s collar and struck him on the face, once, twice, thrice—until Jaehyun’s lip began to bleed, and his vision was adorned with stars.

 

“You little shit, I’ve always known you’re up to no good, there’s no loyalty in your eyes. You think you can win against us, huh? What a bravery, but you can’t use that now.”

 

Jaehyun used all his strength and shoved the man hard, throwing him towards the bedside table. He pushed himself up as his heart continued to beat painfully against his chest—but adrenaline had got the best of him, and he had to get out of here, he had to escape.

 

He made a run to the living room, aiming for the front door as he speed-dialed Taeyong’s number, hoping for the last time he’d pick it up. But the man was quick to recover, and Jaehyun was never the strong one—in no time, the man had grabbed him again and shoved him towards the couch.

 

“You’re quite witty for an ill, useless wimp,” he headlocked Jaehyun, cutting off his circulation as he snatched Jaehyun’s phone from his hand. He could see the screen blinked off once last time, signaling an outgoing call that was left unanswered. The man snorted.

 

“You should’ve known once you’re in this, there’s no way out. No one is going to win against us. This goes the same even to the police.”

“They’ve known too much about us by now, we’ve been exposed. There’s no way we could pretend and hide anymore. So… we decided we should just play along, let them come to our lion’s den, and… we’ll finish them off.”

“Nobody is coming out alive, Jung. Not even that fucking inspector. I’ll make sure there’s nothing left from him and his whole ass team. Yeah. We’ll spare them no mercy.”

 

Jaehyun’s eyes widen in desperation as the man struck his head with his own phone, leaving its screen cracked, stained with the blood that was starting to drip out of his temple.

 

“Now this would make a wonderful bait,” the man chuckled as he threw the bloodied phone under the couch. “And let’s make you useful for the last time, shall we?”

 

Park’s ominous grin was the last thing Jaehyun saw before the world went dark.

 

++

 

Doyoung was pacing back and forth non-stop, Sicheng swore if he went on any longer, he was going to set the floor on fire. In front of him were Taeyong and Johnny, their expressions full of distress and Taeyong had buried his face inside his hands for hours.

 

“Okay. We have to do something now, we can’t go on like this.” Doyoung finally stopped, both his hands on his hips, his shoulders tense.

“You’re the one who kept on pacing, and snapping everytime I said something,” Yuta mumbled audibly, and Doyoung hissed.

“Shut up,” he snapped once again, glaring at Yuta. “We are now certain the convenience store is where they did their actions. And we are sure Ten and Jaehyun would be there by now.”

 

Taeyong had come rushing to the office an hour later after the rest of the team, his eyes red and swollen, and he looked like he’d aged several years in just one night. He made them sit down, even when Johnny tried to protest because _we need to look for Ten_ , and told them about last night’s event, about his apartment, about Jung Jaehyun.

 

Jaehyun’s phone was left untouched in front of them now, after Sicheng had looked through it earlier. They had scanned the fingerprints left on the phone and went through the contents, finding code-protected files of the previous victims and coded messages regarding operations. The fingerprint led them to a middle-aged man named Park Min-joon, fifty years old, the general manager of a company housing a convenience store brand, and a distributor of imported meat goods from Australia.

 

Everything just clicked and made sense right there. It was the convenience store brand where Jung Jaehyun worked at, and their first ambush regarding the case took place in a meatshop.

 

“Let’s call for back up, we’re going for an ambush tonight,” Doyoung muttered, “and we have to save Ten and Jaehyun. And… Taeyong,” Doyoung paused, hesitant to continue--but Taeyong nodded, lifting his head up and tried to keep a professional demeanor, despite his forlorn complexion and disheveled hair.

 

“I know. I know. He would still be guilty as charged. I know, Do. But for now, let’s find them and arrest the syndicate.”

 

++

 

 


	12. 012

012

 

++

 

Jaehyun woke up to a splitting headache, and he grimaced in pain—he tried to reach his head with his hands, only to find his hands and legs were tied to a table.

 

He squinted his eyes, trying to clear his vision and get a better view of his surroundings, realizing he’s in some kind of a large storage room. There were steel shelves upon shelves on one side of the wall. The shelves were full of packaged foods, bottled beverages and daily necessities—the kind of stuffs you’d find in a convenience store, and Jaehyun realized where _exactly_ he is.

 

He tried to lift his head, furrowing his eyebrows to ignore the pain pounding at his head, and saw that his assumptions were true. He was tied to a wooden table, a particular wooden table—bright hanging lights right over him, the air around him cold, too cold to be comfortable.

 

He remembered the first time he went into the room. It was when his superiors yelled at him to help them bring their first victim—a Chinese boy named Huang Renjun—to the very storage room. The boy had been thrashing, surprisingly strong despite his lanky figure, and Jaehyun had to knock him out. He’d helped them tying the boy’s limbs onto the table, the wooden table clean and new by then. The second time, it was still the very same day—but the Chinese boy was nowhere to be seen, instead the previously clean, polished table now had weird dark red stains.

 

When Jaehyun realized what stain it was, he quickly dismissed himself to go to the bathroom, throwing up his lunch to the toilet bowl.

 

He realized by then he got himself involved in a very immoral, evil business—but the next two days, when he had to pay for his mother’s first chemotheraphy, and when he received his first paycheck, he decided he had no other choice. So he tried to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to his own conscience. He kept on memorizing every victim’s data they sent him on the day of every operation, and he stayed there behind the cashier counter—becoming the backstage player in every operation, confirming every person they brought in, making sure they caught the right target, preparing for the doomed wooden table and cleaning it up right after.

 

But now he was there, and he suddenly wondered who had prepared for the metal tools beside him, who would clean up after they gut him—and he found himself chuckling at the stupid thought. His heart was beating loudly against his chest, its beats strong and steady as if it was ever healthy from the first place—and again, he laughed at the irony.

 

He was only steps away from his death, but his heart acted like it had never failed him, acted like it would not cease beating someday, acted like he actually had a chance.

 

That’s when he heard a sob coming from his side, and he carefully turned his head.

 

A young man was strapped onto a chair, his mouth taped shut and tears were streaming down his face. He struggled from the restraints holding onto him only to no avail—the ropes remained tight on its place. Jaehyun gasped inaudibly when the man lifted his face up—he recognized him.

 

He was the last victim he confirmed for operation before the convenience store was temporarily closed. That means, this was the guy who had been protected by the police, the only surviving one, the source of information.

 

He still remembered the young man’s name on the back of his head, he still remembered that he was Thai, a student and a part time dance teacher.

 

“Chittaphon,” Jaehyun uttered, and the young man jerked in surprise. He was still crying, his face as red as a tomato and his entire body shaking.

 

“You’re Chittaphon, right?”

He nodded hesitantly, his eyes full of fear. It seemed like he remembered Jaehyun too, from the way his gaze didn’t quiver in confusion.

“Then you must’ve known Taeyong,”

He suddenly stopped struggling, but tears didn’t stop flowing out of his eyes. He nodded again.

“I’m Jung Jaehyun, if you ever heard of me,” Jaehyun wondered if Taeyong ever mentioned him to his teammates. “I’m Taeyong’s boyfriend. At least, before I told him who I actually am.”

Jaehyun laughed bitterly at the painful memory on the back of his head, and his heart constricted as he remembered Taeyong’s cold gaze.

 

“I never wanted to be a part of this,” he continued, “Life was being a bitch and I had no choice. I wished I had a choice, then we won’t end up here. I’m… I’m very, very sorry.”

“But it seemed like I’m on an ultimate death sentence anyway,” he said, “I will have to pay for all the things I did while I was here. Just think of it as my punishment, because I took part in hurting you, too.”

 

The Thai man shook his head, but Jaehyun ignored him and he continued.

 

“The police will definitely come for you, Chitapphon-ssi. They’ll save you,”

“So you’re going to make it out alive, I know it. And by then… can you please tell Taeyong that I love him?”

“I love him with all my heart, but I’m a shitty person that doesn’t deserve happiness, and someone like me should just die and rot in hell. He… He deserves someone better, tell him to forget me and I’m sorry for… for wasting his time.”

Jaehyun didn’t realize tears had escaped his eyes, rolling on his cheeks and to the wooden table. He remembered Taeyong’s soft lips against his and he closed his eyes, imagining he was lying on Taeyong’s bed, the latter pressed against him—when he heard the Thai man’s muffled screams.

 

He opened his eyes to three men clad in black shirts, their faces covered with surgical mask, but Jaehyun was sure that the one closest to him was Park Min-joon.

 

“You’ve always been so beautiful, Jung,” the man said, sending shudders down Jaehyun’s spine. “Sometimes it feels like a waste to take those beautiful corneas out.”

 

Ten was screaming again, still muffled by the tape over his mouth, trauma evident in his shaking eyes.

“Oh, I forgot we have a guest here,” the old man laughed, “for the first time, we are having an audience for our show. It was such a pity our show got interrupted last time. Don’t worry, young man, it would be your turn soon.”

 

Jaehyun wanted to open his mouth, to scream his lungs out—but he knew nobody would hear him, _nobody_ would come for him.

 

So he let the other man pricked his vein with a needle, injecting whatever substance inside his body, letting the Thai man’s screams lulling him to his death.

 

++

 

Taeyong led the team through the dark, gripping his gun tight in his hands as his teammates followed suit. They have brought the other officers to back them up, but he told them to hide in between the alleys, and only to show up when Taeyong told them to—they couldn’t bring way too much attention to successfully sneak in and bring Ten and Jaehyun out first thing.

 

Johnny stepped forward and picked the lock of the convenience store doors. The store was dark, its source of light were only the beverages refrigerator and the blinking light of CCTVs.

 

The door clicked open, and they carefully stepped in, observing every corner possible with their guns cocked. It looked like a very normal convenience store—even when they stepped inside the dry storage room. The small room was full of boxes, and a lot of them was empty—Yuta and Sicheng rummaged through the full ones as silent as possible, only to find them containing canned beverages.

 

That was when they heard a scream.

It was faint, but it was there, and Taeyong tensed up because he knew very well whose voice that was.

 

“ _Jaehyun_ ,” Taeyong muttered, and he began to rummage wildly through the empty boxes, no longer caring about the noise he made. Doyoung desperately tried to catch the boxes Taeyong had knocked over, trying to minimize the sound—when they found a metal door behind the stack.

 

They quickly discarded the boxes out of the way, and Taeyong pushed the door open only to find it was locked. He tried to force his body weight onto it, but it didn’t budge—it was metal from the first place.

 

“We have no other choice. We have to shoot the lock open.” Yuta exclaimed. Metal door locks were impossible to be picked open, they could only be opened with force.

 

Taeyong nodded, gesturing to his teammates.

“Get your guns ready,” he looked behind his shoulders, “once I get the door open, we’re going for ambush. Remember our plan. Yuta, Sicheng, and Doyoung, take down the suspects—Johnny and I are going to go after Ten and Jaehyun.”

“Yes, Sir.” Johnny responded, and Taeyong held his breath. There were a thousand words of apologies threatening to burst from his heart if he had to wait any longer.

 

He pulled the trigger, and the door opened with a bang—but another bullet landed itself in Taeyong’s shoulder.

 

++

 

Sicheng was the first to react.

 

He quickly pulled the trigger, aiming at the man who shot Taeyong—and seconds later he went down to the ground, bleeding from his temple. Suddenly people clad in black were surrounding them, raining bullets as they ran to hide between the shelves, Johnny dragging Taeyong in the process.

 

“Call the back up!” Johnny shouted, and Taeyong could barely make out his voice through the pain in his shoulder. It wasn’t the first time he was shot, but sure it still hurt like a bitch.

 

“We’re getting surrounded. Send the back up in,” Taeyong muttered to his earpiece, and once he heard the other line responding, he turned around, peeking in between cereal boxes, pulling the trigger towards an off-guard syndicate member.

 

The rain of bullets continued, and he could see Sicheng was pressing a palm on his bleeding arm from afar. Thankfully seconds later the other officers arrived, already taking in standby postures as they shot the syndicate members—trying their best to not kill them, but only to _fatally injure_. The rain of bullets ceased as more and more members were down, and Taeyong figured out it’s time.

 

“Let’s go,” he pulled Johnny’s hand with his good arm, sneaking in between metal shelves. They ran with their body bent low, ready to duck whenever bullets were going their way—until they reached the last row of the shelves, to find an empty area. Three people clad in black was surrounding a wooden table in the middle, someone strapped onto it—and he saw Ten, his face red, his limbs tied and his mouth taped shut.

 

Taeyong could only see the mop of brown hair of the person on the table, but he knew exactly who it was.

 

“Put your hands over your head and turn around!” Johnny shouted, his loud voice reverberated through the air. “You are under arrest!”

 

Both of them had their guns cocked as they approached the men, all of them already facing towards them with their hands up. Taeyong couldn’t help but to steal a glance towards the table, and _God, it’s Jaehyun._ His hands and legs were strapped onto the table, his eyes glazed and—there was a slash on his lower abdomen, consistently dripping blood, staining his white shirt.

 

Taeyong was so caught off-guard at the sight of his lover, he didn’t realize one of the men smiled, hidden under the surgical mask.

 

A bang was heard, and seconds later, Johnny was on the floor, blood seeping through his clothes.

Taeyong instinctively raised his own gun, pulling the trigger and put one of the men down—when he felt a stabbing pain on the back of his leg.

 

That was when he realized his mistake. Johnny was bleeding from his back. He was not shot from the front--someone was hiding and shooting them from behind.

 

“Stay where you are!”

 

Yuta’s voice resonated through the room, and Taeyong let his knees buckled, the pain in his body getting unbearable. Johnny was forcing himself up, his face contorted in pain. Seconds later the other officers spread around the area, each of them pointing their nozzle against the remaining members. No one dared to move, the tension high in the air.

 

But Taeyong turned immediately, locating a dark figure hiding behind the shelf, and pulled the trigger.

 

That’s when hell broke loose—but Taeyong couldn’t care less. He scrambled his way towards the wooden table, and he could see from the corner of his eyes, Johnny had followed suit, running towards the chair. He reached for the straps tying Jaehyun’s limbs, and fumbled with them frantically.

 

“Jaehyun-ah,” he exclaimed, panic raising in his voice. The latter’s eyes were closed, but he let out a sigh of relief as he saw the way his chest rose up and down—but it was way too quick to be normal.

 

 

“Jaehyun-ah,” he collected the man in his arms once he untied all the restraints. “Jaehyun-ah, I’m here, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

Taeyong chanted the apologies like a mantra, planting kisses all over his face, his other hand pressing on the slash on Jaehyun’s abdomen, trying to slow the blood flow. Jaehyun’s eyes fluttered open slowly, but they lit up immediately upon seeing Taeyong’s face.

 

“…Hyung.”

“Oh God, I’m here, Jae, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Hyung,” the man in his arms whimpered, “… hurts… can’t… can’t breathe.”

“Hold on, Jae. Let’s go to the hospital, okay? Don’t fall asleep,”

Taeyong hauled Jaehyun’s body onto his back, his wounds long forgotten with the rush of adrenaline inside his veins. Johnny had ran surpassing them, Ten in his arms, unconscious.

 

The blaring siren of ambulance could be heard, and he ran towards the door. He was only inches away from it when a sharp pain blossomed in his ribs, and he couldn’t hold it anymore—his knees buckled and his hold on Jaehyun loosened as he slumped onto the floor.

 

Another bang resounded through the air, but darkness was creeping on the edge of Taeyong’s vision, and the last thing he felt was a cold hand holding his tightly, and a faint whisper in his ears.

 

_I love you._

 

++


	13. 013 (Final)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo so here comes the last chapter! I tried my best to bring you on an emotional rollercoaster lol, I hope I deliver it well! And please congratulate me on finishing my first multichapter fic! hahaha. I don't want you to wait any longer, please enjoy the grand finale :)

013

 

++

 

“I want to see him.”

“But you shouldn’t be going out of bed—”

“Please,” his eyes watered involuntarily, “please.”

 

++

 

Sicheng held Doyoung’s cold hand in his palm, the one hand that was fairly free from needles and tubes. He was wheeled out of surgery yesterday, but he hasn’t yet to wake up--a bunch of beeping machines connected to his lean body with a huge tube hooked up to his chest, a breathing tube shoved down his throat.

 

Yuta was the one who arrested the rest of the syndicate. They managed to get Park Min-joon alive, and the next day, the senior superintendent team would be starting investigation regarding the company, also issuing a warrant to shut it down.

 

The convenience store was a perfect place for the operation. They would store every organ they manage to get inside a cooler box, putting them under all the ice creams inside the freezer or behind the canned beverages inside the refrigerator. The meatshop acted as a port of embarkation, where they’d send the illegal organs to the black market overseas, since the meatshop stocked products from Australia. It would be more suspicious if a truck heading straight to the port stopped directly by the convenience store, since the store only stocked up local goods and imported goods from local distributor.

 

And where was Sicheng all the time? He was pressing a hand on the wound on Doyoung’s chest, trying to slow the blood flow as the latter coughed up blood.

 

Doyoung took a bullet to his chest, shortly after Yuta went to the back to the room, arresting the general manager. Right in the fatal area. Sicheng couldn’t say that it wasn’t a traumatic experience—watching his teammate choking on his own blood, unable to breathe without gurgling. Doyoung’s shirt was drenched in blood, there was so much blood—he barely shed tears all his life, but he cried his eyes out by then. He wasn’t even sure Doyoung would make it.

 

But Doyoung was always the witty and sly one. He’d always have his own ways to go through life, and Sicheng knew, he would certainly go through this.

 

“Sicheng,”

 

Sicheng whipped his head towards the door and found Yuta, flashing his bright smile despite the sling on his arm. He quickly stood up, advancing towards him as Yuta enveloped him in an embrace.

 

Thankfully they managed to go out fairly unscathed—Sicheng only got a fair amount of scratches here and there, and Yuta got a bullet wound to his arm. Johnny took a bullet to his back, and it damaged his muscles but avoided the vital area—he only needed to make sure the wound stayed clean and went through physiotheraphy to completely heal the muscles.

 

But not with Taeyong.

 

Sicheng remembered how Taeyong ran with all his might, Jaehyun limp on his back—when suddenly a bang was heard. Seconds later Taeyong was on the ground, rolling in pain, Jaehyun sprawled beside him. A man, clad in black, stood before them, the gun in his hand pointed at Taeyong.

 

Sicheng acted fast, ignoring his slippery hands, slick with Doyoung’s blood—and fired his gun.

 

The man fell down in an instant, his head blown—but Taeyong had stopped moving, his eyes closed and his body still. From the corner of his eyes, Sicheng saw how Jaehyun desperately dragged his body towards him, stretching his hand as far as he could go, intertwining his fingers with Taeyong.

 

He didn’t let go, even when the paramedics came swarming around them—he held on tight, as if it was for the last time.

 

++

 

“I want to see him.”

“But you shouldn’t be going out of bed—”

“Please,” his eyes watered involuntarily, “please.”

 

The trip through the pristine white corridors felt like an eternity. The air around him turned colder and colder with every passing minute, or was it his heart?

 

The wheelchair stopped as he heard Yuta talking to someone behind the desk, but he didn’t even bother to look. A part of him wanted to reach their destination fast, he wanted to know, but a part of him wanted to run away, wanted to believe it was a lie.

 

The wheelchair he was on was pushed again, this time a young woman was walking in front of them. He felt like she was walking too slow, or was it just his mind playing tricks with him? He wanted to snap, wanted to scream at her to be quick, because he felt like he was going to die if he had to wait any longer.

 

But finally they stopped in front of a metal double door, and the woman brought out her card keys, tapping it on the scanner and the door clicked open. She pushed the door gently, letting them enter the room first before she followed.

 

She led them towards the middle of the room, and his hands were shaking—he didn’t know if it was his frantic mind or the ungodly cold temperature of the room. She stopped in front of the metal table, and God, he was starting to hyperventilate, as she reached for the ends of the white linen, folding it forward—and the world came crashing down.

 

The soft brown hair, the long, pretty eyelashes, the prominent jaw, the full lips he’d kissed with deep affection – all of them were too familiar, too dear and still too beautiful – even in _death_.

 

Suddenly he felt like metal hands were grabbing at his heart, at his throat and he couldn’t breathe—he gasped like a fish newly taken from water, but his legs moved on its own, pushing himself up from the wheelchair, only to wobble and hands were supporting him in a second.

 

“This isn’t real,” he whimpered, “No, this is just a dream.”

But he could touch the usually soft, peach-like cheeks, now stiff and cold as ice—and his hands could go through the thick strands of brown hair. He usually received a childlike smile in return everytime he did that—but this time there was no warmth he radiated, there was no loving gaze.

 

_There’s no more Jung Jaehyun._

 

Taeyong’s legs crumbled under him, ignoring the pain in his side, his shoulder and his leg, because probably the stitches had now reopened for all the movements he did, but he couldn’t care less. He roared, clutching at his chest because _it hurt_ , _please make it stop, wake me up from this nightmare_ , but instead Yuta’s arm was enveloping him. He cried his eyes out, staining Yuta’s shirt with tears and drool, but he didn’t care, _it hurt too much_. He kept chanting to himself, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t real--but no matter how much he blinked, the sight of cold, unmoving body of Jung Jaehyun wouldn’t disappear, and with one last sob he went slack against Yuta’s chest, darkness welcoming him.

 

_Dr. Kim was sitting beside his bed that afternoon, a day after he woke up from surgery. He didn’t know what to expect, so he pushed himself up with difficulty, trying to listen to whatever she has to say._

_“I got information from the police, that every victim they had was injected with this kind of drug to tone down any pain they would be feeling, but kept them awake,” she started, “we did a blood test on Jaehyun, and we found an ample amount of the substance in his blood.”_

_“The drug acted as an antidepressant and anaesthesia, and it was illegal,” she paused, “any dosage exceeding the suggested amount would be dangerous even to a healthy man, let alone someone like Jaehyun.”_

_“His heart was already falling out of rhythm by the time he arrived in the ER,” she continued, “I was paged immediately, but shortly after, he went into a cardiac arrest.”_

_“I’m really sorry, he didn’t make it.”_

++

 

Ten had stopped talking altogether.

 

Johnny sat beside his bed, reaching for his hand, drawing gentle circles on the back of his palm—but the latter never budge, his lips sealed shut and his eyes trained on the window.

 

After all the things they’ve gone through, the efforts they did to make him better, now they’re back to square one.

 

It’s been two days, but the Thai man hadn’t uttered a single word—his expression stern, refusing any kind of food they’ve given him. If this went on any longer, they’d have to feed him through a tube. Johnny stayed beside him as much as he could, constantly talking to him in hopes he’d open up, but the most Ten ever did was to give in to his tears, crying his heart out, letting Johnny embrace him in his arms.

 

Ten didn’t even budge when a young woman who resembled him so much came into the room, introducing herself as Tern, Ten’s younger sister, and told Johnny how she wanted to bring Ten home, back to Thailand, in hopes he’d be able to recover better back in his homeland, together with his family.

 

Johnny couldn’t bring himself to refuse it, after all she’s his family, and maybe she’s right. Maybe being with Johnny could only do him worse than good, being constantly surrounded by the people affiliated with his trauma—maybe being in Seoul, in Korea, would only do more harm. He only wanted the younger to be better, to be back to how he used to be, to be healthy again—even if that meant he had to leave him, even if that meant he had to disappear from Ten’s life.

 

He only wanted him to be happy.

 

So he squeezed the Thai’s hand tighter that morning, when Tern was packing her stuffs behind them, their flight to Bangkok scheduled to be later that night. Johnny brought Ten’s palm to his lips, planting kisses all over it. He wanted to be selfish, wanted to hold him back, wanted to keep him close all his life, but Ten’s empty eyes reminded him why he shouldn’t.

 

A drop of tear rolled on his cheeks, onto Ten’s palm as he whispered quiet “ _i love you, don’t go”,_ but he knew he loved him with all his heart, and that’s why he had to let him go.

 

Johnny was still sobbing quietly, trying not get heard, when suddenly a familiar, hushed voice reached his ear, and he whipped his head up in utter surprise.

 

“Hyung… I want to stay.”

 

Behind them, Tern dropped her bags unconsciously, her mouth gaped in astonishment as another set of tears flowed out of Johnny’s eyes—but this time, those were tears of happiness.

 

++

 

Doyoung passed on a quiet Thursday night, four days after his surgery. He had never woken up from the deep slumber, his parents by his side, his brother holding onto his hand the entire time.

 

They were left devastated, because he’s Kim Doyoung, the cleverest one, the cunning, agile Doyoung—the one who always managed to get everything worked out. They thought he’d be able to trick his way through anything, even _death_ , but certainly nobody could escape once it has gotten its hold.

 

Sicheng was torn, blaming himself because he was there the moment Doyoung went down—he might have done something else; he might have been able to save him.

 

Taeyong was broken beyond repair.

 

So that morning, on the first day they’re called back to the office, almost a month after Doyoung’s funeral—he packed up the stuffs on his desk, arranging them neatly inside the cardboard box, his teammates helping him in silence.

 

The team was given a temporary leave—to settle themselves down, to regain their composures back. But Taeyong came to the head department a week prior, handing over a resignation letter.

 

He continued to stack the books on his desk inside the box, silently glancing over Doyoung’s desk, which was empty already. His brother had come to collect his stuffs yesterday, not leaving a single fleck of dust. Johnny was appointed to be the next team leader, and a new member would be added to the team—apparently another transfer officer, originating from Canada, named Mark Lee. In several months time, Yukhei was going to be promoted into an inspector, and he, too, would be joining the team.

 

The rest of the team hugged him goodbye, whispering take care as he finished packing up.

“We will always be open if you want to come back,” Johnny told him, “just… just take care of yourself.”

 

Taeyong nodded and taped the boxes shut, closing it along with his inspector career, buried deep six feet under with Doyoung, burned into ashes inside the retort along with Jaehyun.

 

++

 

Taeyong sat in front of the tall glass cabinet, his face void of any expression. The room was quiet except for the soft whirring of the air conditioners, and he was alone.

 

“I wanted to take you with me,” he muttered, “but I figure you’ll be happier to be here, right beside your mother.”

 

He looked up, feeling his heart breaking for the umpteenth time. Jaehyun’s bright complexion was smiling at him from inside the niche, his eyes lighted up, shaped into two crescent moons. A pristine white porcelain urn was placed right beside the photo frame, the Korean characters of his full name stamped onto it in beautiful streaks.

 

He opened the glass door, reaching for the photo frame, caressing the peach-like cheeks, recalling the soft feeling under his palm everytime he touched his face.

 

“I’m moving to Busan,” he said, “I’m going to live with my parents, with my sister, and Ruby.” He suddenly chuckled, “It’s a pity you didn’t get a chance to meet Ruby. She’s the best dog in the world.”

 

He put the frame back into the niche as his breath hitched in his throat, tears welling up in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you,”

 

He broke down, his legs buckling under him as he plopped back onto the seat, crying his eyes out.

“I promised you everything, promised you the world, but I couldn’t fulfill it,”

“I’m sorry I failed, Jaehyun-ah. I’m sorry I failed you.”

 

He stayed there until the sun set, ignoring the pitiful stare of the cleaning service employee—only getting up once the clock hit ten, and the employee touched his shoulder, informing him he could come back tomorrow and offered him a bottle of water.

 

Taeyong nodded, waited for the woman to disappear behind the door as he put a bouquet of white roses inside Jaehyun’s niche, and another bouquet of pink roses inside his mother’s, right beside it.

 

“I hope we meet again in the next life, Jae,” he told the thin air, but he was sure Jaehyun was listening, wherever he was. “And by the time we do, I promise I won’t fail you again, and I’ll make sure the world won’t, too. How dare of me to give you another promise, right?” he chuckled.

“I’m going to come back,” Taeyong whispered, “wait for me until then, okay?”

 

He walked away, going on autopilot towards his car, ready to drive to Busan when his phone lit up in an incoming call.

 

“ _Hello, Taeyong-ah?”_

“… Hello, Mom.”

“ _Are you on the way here already, honey? Are you okay?”_

 

Another set of tears were blurring his vision, threatening to stream down his face again.

“I… I’m on my way.”

“ _Okay. We are waiting for you here, okay? I’ve cooked your favorite dish, it will certainly help to warm your heart. Call me whenever you need, okay?”_

“Yeah, Mom. Thank you so much.”

 

Time had made him into an adult, but it certainly didn’t make him strong.

 

++

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Time had made him into an adult, but it certainly didn’t make him strong." here is made point because after all he'd gone through, and after acting to be strong and professional all these times, Taeyong is still a human that could break down, and in the end he still went back to his family, his very first circle of protection.
> 
> So! what do you think? please leave comments and kudos to show me how you feel about this story! Probably I'm going to come back with another fic soon, so wait for it!  
> Again, I apologize for all the grammar mistakes and errors I've committed, I hope you still enjoy the story :)  
> And I want to thank all the readers, especially my loyal ones who always commented, I really appreciate all of you!!! I love you guys <3


	14. Epilogue / 014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! You might have not expected this but I'm back with an epilogue, or should I say it a spin-off? from this story! This chapter is set after Taeyong filed resignation to the head department, but before he and the team came to the office, where he packed his stuffs up and finally drive to Busan.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

 

 

++

 

 

He walked through the dark corridor, his hand searching for the light switch which position he had memorized at the back of his head. Half of the room lighted up as he switched it on, and he shuffled through the empty cubicles, vacant of its owners at the wee hours of the night, strutting to his team’s desks.

 

It was as if nothing had happened—the desks stayed just like how they were every other day, with Yuta’s desk being the messiest. Stacks and stacks of documents were piled on top of each other—with only one set of PC set up on Sicheng’s desk. Johnny’s unwashed mug was left, as if they would just come rushing into the office the next morning, ready to work just like an ordinary day.

 

He filed resignation this morning.

 

It’s been two weeks since the worst night of Taeyong’s life—the night that gave the team a temporary leave, the night they finally managed to catch the suspects of the longest, most difficult case in Taeyong’s career—but also the night that took two of the most important people in his life.

 

Taeyong plopped down on Doyoung’s chair, already disliking the way it was too slumped under the desk. Taeyong used to scold Doyoung at how the position would mess up his back one day, but the latter never listened.

 

Doyoung’s desk was the second tidiest one after Taeyong’s. He’d always washed his mug every night before going home, worried the coffee he always gulped down would permanently stain the light blue porcelain. But that night, as Taeyong reached for the mug on the corner of the desk, he realized that it was left unwashed for the first time, and was still quarter-full with cold coffee from two weeks ago, that was definitely going to stain.

 

Taeyong sighed, keeping a mental note to wash it later before he leaves—at least he’d help easing the pain of Doyoung’s brother when he came to collect his belongings later, by not having to wash the remainder of his beloved brother.

 

He lifted up the black plastic bag he’d been bringing, fishing out a bottle of soju and two shot glasses. He put them on the desk carefully, as he twisted the cap open and poured both of the glasses full.

 

“Who’s going to drink with me now?” he talked into the empty air, his eyes welling up involuntarily. “Who’s going to listen to my endless rant, who’s going to snap at my stupid remarks?”

 

He took one of the shot glasses, clinking it against the other as if he’s doing a toast. He gulped down all the contents in one go, swallowing the bitter, burning aftertaste at the back of his throat.

 

He was on his fifth shot when his eyes caught a small white box, hidden in between the stacks of documents on Doyoung’s desk, right behind his mug.

 

Taeyong stretched his arm out, already assuming what the box actually is—only to find out his assumptions were true. He held the pack of cigarettes in his hand, the seal already opened and missing half of its contents. Taeyong used to smoke together with Doyoung and Yuta, back then when they were still junior officers—but Taeyong quit two years later, when he was the first one who got promoted into an inspector. Yuta stopped a year later when he started going out with Sicheng, but Doyoung never stopped.

 

_“It helps calming me down,”_ Doyoung said when Taeyong tried to talk him out of it, _“I’m in need of constant calm-me-down when I have to deal with you guys everyday.”_

 

Taeyong knew it was a joke. Doyoung was just addicted to it, to fill up the hollow feeling inside his heart every night from the pain of missing a past lover. Since then, he’d always told everyone that he didn’t believe in love, when in fact, he was just too scared to be hurt all over again.

 

Taeyong told him that one day it was going to kill him, but he’d only snorted back then—unable to listen an advice coming from someone who has did it too.

 

In the back of his head, Taeyong knew someone would only die from lung cancer caused by smoking if they continued until they were fifty-something. Little did he knew, Doyoung would lie cold in his coffin at the age of twenty-seven, unable to survive a fatal bullet wound that punctured his lungs.

 

Taeyong took out one of the nicotine sticks, placing it in between his lips. He scrambled around for a lighter, because he’s sure, if there’s a pack, then there must be a lighter nearby. He found it in the first drawer of Doyoung’s desk, and he subsequently took it, igniting the cigarette skillfully.

 

He took a drag, and that was when the waves of grief washed over him, the realization that he’d lost his best friend, and that he was never going to come back, dawned upon him.

 

It hurt, it hurt so much just like Jaehyun hurt, he felt his heart breaking into pieces as he wailed into the air, not caring anymore if the officers downstairs heard him. He didn’t even get to visit Doyoung in the intensive care unit, too busy wallowing over Jaehyun’s death, he didn’t even get to hold his hands on his last night, didn’t bid him a last goodbye when his body finally gave up.

 

“What a selfish prick,” he told himself, laughing bitterly. “He’d always been there for you, but you weren’t even there for his last moments, Lee Taeyong.”

 

He cried his eyes out, tears didn’t stop flowing down even when he finished the cigarette, and the bottle of soju left empty. The blade inside his bedside drawer back at home has always looked so tempting, and the urge to reach for it, to cut all the pain over, to meet them again and apologize was so big it scared himself—so he decided to pack his belongings, called his family and told them he’s moving back to Busan.

 

“Taeyong-ah.”

 

A familiar voice resounded from behind him, and his hands, that were in the middle of taking out the second cigarette stopped as he carefully turned around.

 

“… Johnny.”

 

Johnny approached him, not uttering a single word—instead he opened his arms, enveloping Taeyong in an embrace as Taeyong broke down once again.

 

“I—I miss him, I miss Doyoung, I miss Jaehyun—Oh God, I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to live anymore—”

“I miss him too, Tae, we all do,” Johnny paused, “but that was no reason to stop living. They must’ve miss you big time, too, but they wouldn’t want to see you again anytime sooner.”

“I’m so selfish,” Taeyong sobbed, “I wasn’t even there when Doyoung passed. I was only a floor away, but I was too busy crying over Jaehyun, I didn’t come for him. I… I’m not a good friend, aren’t I? I’m—I’m just a selfish, wicked, ungrateful prick.”

“Shh, Lee Taeyong. Jaehyun is as precious as Doyoung for you. Doyoung would have understood. You lost a lover you didn’t get to kiss goodbye to—he would’ve understood. I know.”

“I can’t go on like this anymore,” Taeyong blurted out, “I don’t think I can continue being here. I… I’m moving back with my family.”

 

Johnny was stunned for a moment, but seconds later his muscles relaxed, and he reached for Taeyong’s shoulder.

 

“That’s a good thing,” he said, “it will be better if you’re surrounded by the people who love you the most, Tae. They will certainly help and support you through all of this.”

“I know,” Taeyong exclaimed, “I… I filed resignation.”

There was a fat silence following Taeyong’s sentence, but finally Johnny responded.

“I’m a bit disappointed because you’re the best leader we have ever had.”

“But yes, please take a rest, Yong. It would be the best for you. And—and at least you won’t be alone back with your family. Just—just please don’t be alone. You’re not alone. You can call me whenever you want to. I will come.”

 

Taeyong knew Johnny only wanted to comfort him with those words, but somehow it reminded him of Doyoung—how he had always been only a call away, how he always grumbled and nagged but he had always come—and Taeyong couldn’t help but let out another set of tears.

 

“When—when I’m gone, please, please be the leader.”

“M—me? But I can’t—”

“Yes, you can,” Taeyong looked straight into his eyes, “please. I trust you.”

 

Johnny looked speechless for a moment, but finally he sighed and nodded.

“But promise me one thing,” he said, “promise me you will take care of yourself, Yong. And… and don’t do anything stupid.”

Taeyong could only smile. There were a thousand stupid things he wanted to do right now—to ease the pain, to make him forget.

 

“Please,” Johnny muttered, “I don’t want to lose another friend, Yong. You _are_ being selfish if you think doing _that_ would resolve everything.”

Taeyong sighed. Of course Johnny knew. He’d been dealing with Ten all these times, staying with him and helped him through the healing process—Taeyong must’ve showed signs, and Johnny was able to identify them.

“Please, get help if you think you need it,” Johnny continued, “and I would always be there to help. Yuta and Sicheng too.”

 

“I’m really grateful for that. Thank—thank you, Youngho-yah.”

Johnny smiled upon hearing his Korean name being called.

“Hearing you using my Korean name, I think that was sincere,”

“Let’s go home, shall we? I have extra bunk if you want to crash at my place.”

“Thank you, I’ll be fine,” Taeyong responded, “how’d you know I’m here?”

“I… I tracked your phone,” Johnny smiled sheepishly, “You wouldn’t answer my texts, and I got worried.”

 

Taeyong couldn’t help but to crack a smile. He might have violated his privacy, but he knew, he’s not alone.

 

++

 

_“You should really try to quit,” Taeyong told him as he puffed out the smoke from his second cigarette. “It’s going to kill you one day.”_

_“It helps calming me down,” Doyoung responded, swatting his hand._

_“I’m in need of constant calm-me-down when I have to deal with you guys everyday.”_

_“Nah, you wouldn’t definitely last a day without me.”_

_“Bullshit,” Doyoung laughed, “you know why I can’t quit.”_

_Taeyong sighed._

_“It’s all in the past, Do, you should really move on,” Taeyong said, “it’s not healthy for you to dwell in a past memory for too long.”_

_“Tell me about it,” Doyoung snapped, “you can say that easily because you have that cashier waiting for you at home.”_

_Taeyong sighed. Talking Doyoung out of smoking is one thing, but telling him to give another chance in his love life is a whole another task._

_“Really, Do. You would never know if you don’t try,” he exclaimed, looking at his watch. “Speaking of Jaehyun, I think I should go home now. Are you going home too?”_

_“Nah, I’m fine. Go first, I’m going to stay a little bit.”_

_“Okay. It’s on me today,” Taeyong said as he got up, walking towards the auntie behind the steaming fish cakes._

_“Asshole, you should’ve told me sooner, I won’t eat dinner first.”_

_Taeyong smirked as he waved goodbye, disappearing into the night._

_Doyoung sighed heavily._

_There wasn’t any past lover._

_There wasn’t any painful memory he still clung to._

_He’d moved on, he’d forgotten all the things that happened in the past._

_Those weren’t the reason he was still filling the hollow feeling inside his heart with the toxic smoke everytime._

_It was you, Lee Taeyong._

_He ignited his third cigarette, letting the smoke filling his entity, soothing the crushing feeling in his heart even if just a little bit._

_The fact that he was nothing more than a teammate, and a best friend to Lee Taeyong, when he was loving him with all his heart—was the one that killed him every single night, the one that urged his hand to light up the stick every time._

_The fact that he was too much of a coward to confess to Lee Taeyong since he fell for him two years ago, afraid that he’d destroy the friendship he’d built._

_Then Jung Jaehyun came, and all hopes and feelings were crushed down. That was when he decided he’d just bury all affection and feelings deep down, but instead, they grew even stronger, eating him from the inside. It’s making him regret to let himself fall, to let himself be infatuated—it’s making him wish he’d just disappear, instead of being stuck with him, so close yet so far and unreachable._

_He wished he’d just disappear._

++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doyoung here is actually based on my love life and how I'm feeling right now--I just wanted to get everything out, that sometimes I don't feel okay, and this situation frustrates me out--but I have no other way, I'm stuck.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading :)


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